I'm Still Lucky

I have been feeling down lately. There are a couple of reasons why I feel down, I can enumerate them here but for some respect to myself I would like to feel the bottom on my own first. I would personally want to know the why this has to happened kinda stuff. Seeing some kids this morning rushing to the garbage bins to collect plastic bottles was a little bit disappointing because the cab driver almost hit the 9 yr old kid, I think he is still 9 yr old. He's wearing a red shirt and a green baggy shorts. He's not wearing any slippers at all. By his look I can tell, he's wearing that clothes for a month or more now. I definitely can tell also that he needs a bath.

He ran from this corner, crossing the street without looking from his right that the cab I am in is running 20kph. He rushed to this garbage bin, trying so hard to reach the bottom of the bin so he can get more plastic bottles. He is so quick and he just shouted, "Tara na!" (Let's go!). He knows that if he won't be snappy he wouldn't get that much plastic. I can't seem to find his companion.

It was red light, so we stopped and I looked around if I could possibly find his companion. I saw one girl with a dirty white shirt with nothing else on her, approached the cab driver and asked for some coins.

For all these months I thought life was directly hitting hard on me. I lost, I've worked hard and then nothing came for me. I asked myself, "what about those people who have been there for you? They've made you smile, you were happy for once when you were talking to them." I must admit, I am totally having fun when my mind is occupied with a lot of things.

Bottom line is, I have been trying to get rid of pain and I thought working hard is enough to bring my life back again. These kids are not even worried about clothes the next day or what to eat. They don't care if they smell bad. They live life day by day. I'm still lucky and yet I have demands. I want this, I don't like this, I am hurt, I feel hopeless. I don't see all those in the little girls eyes. So I was like, "What the hell happened to you Hunee?" I definitely am sober and yet I have things in life that are so much and I can not simply count them all for I have neglected all of them.

I feel sorry to myself. I got to change. I have to.