I Try to Change Me

I had been busy lately. I can not deny that. My life was focused on to saving more so I can gain more. Practically you can see it like investing on a stock. You tend to watch how the stock works and the bullish and the bearish ways that a particular stock can be. Hoping it will always be bullish and would never experienced going down or bearish. The more it is going up the more you think of not stopping it because you are gaining more. Your full attention are at the Bloomberg Channel or the newspapers. You might be good at calculating and predicting what will happen like those in the stock market, you just do not stop.

I was focused to that. I was focused on a straight path to where I want to be and would like to be at in few months or days if possible. I delayed my happiness in the hope to be better at this part of my life. I just totally lost who I was before.

It is not a bad thing to be at. I mean it is part of growing and some things got to changed. But changes in me was drastic. I do not even know if I have missed one meeting with friends, am I answering all their SMS or calls to me, or was I giving them lame excuses. Even if I have time to see them, my body do not seem to be interested in seeing them anymore because I have worked too much and the days that are supposed to be for leisure was spent in bed trying to recover the lost hours of sleep.

My point here is that if I am neglecting my friendship with you or you think I was getting this huge head on top of me and I am blabbing things that you think was not the original me, I am sorry. I also would like to point out that I would really want to grow and part of growing is to change. But if you think I was not changing for the better, an email, or if you know my number, a call will always be an option for you to tell me that I am way too much and it is not healthy.

I admit to be changing a lot. I have let go of my smiling avatar and decided to seldom use my smiling pics because I would want others to see me serious this time. I think that was wrong for me to do because before when I used those smiling pictures it just gave me a reminder everyday that I have to refocus and rethink everything before uttering something or even deciding on things. When I see happy faces it always make me think twice like, am I going to do this to give everyone happiness or just me?

I do believe that whenever you do something you do not only think of what it can give to you but what it can give to others that surrounds you. But when I decided to change, I have pushed that idea away and now I have realized that it was wrong. I have got to change to something better.

Then again I am human and I make mistakes and it is not too late for me to change that. I only have to admit that I made mistake and hopefully learn from that mistake and move on. Always better to admit mistake than not to.