Posted by Hunee | 10/27/2008 08:45:00 PM | | 0 comments »

I wish there was something to make this go away or to erase what had happened.

I sat in front of my computer and a pop up appeared and say Jerry has a mail for me. I opened it up then I was shocked at what I have read. Brought me to tears, called my friend Daisy and I just could not held it for long I just have to cry.

Initial reaction, I was furious. I was so mad and my precious years of waiting was placed to nothing. No, it was nothing at all from the beginning and I never thought it that way for I was brought to believe he was for real.

I have decided to just let it be for I do not have any other good choice to make. I do not simply want to even think of revenge, although I can not deny that I really thought about it. I was devastated. I felt like the world turned against me and that everything is planned that this was truly the end.

I just can not allow that hurt to endure forever so I tried to forget about everything. I thought it was the right thing to do. I do not know about fate or something like that but I was glad I found him online again so I can talk to him and straight things up.

Then it started again. I was so naive, so dumb, so stupid for believing in him again. What hurts the most is that the 3 years with him was nothing, and I felt like he never really cared for he never showed any signs that he knew me at all or at least remember my birthday. For all those years he never memorized some important facts about me. I thought, my God, what did I do to deserve all these? What did I do to be in this? This has got to be over and I can no longer talk to him.

For awhile, I thought I was fine. Then reading and knowing something was another reminder that this was not over at all. Things are just beginning to unfold. Then one day, he came up to me saying, I could not hurt him so I go through hurting his family. I said, oh my fucking god! I did not do anything and I was accused of something? This was all fucking bullshit! He is with me for 3 years and he thought about me hurting a family. If I could have done that I could have done it a long time ago and not wait for that long to get even with him.

I was so mad. My head aches a lot after being told about that. I was not raised like that. I can not simply let that be. This is my integrity this is who I am and he would just say things like that without even knowing why it happened to him and not directly point out fingers of who is the suspect and especially thought about me as the suspect for he was with me for 3 long years.

I can not believe I fell in love with a person like him.

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