No matter how many times I wanted to take the right path, there are times that I question my principles because somehow, at the back of my mind I am thinking, I needed to be the first. I can not forever be letting others be ahead of me.
The human nature to be greedy and selfish. I do not deny that because even it is just in my head, I am still being greedy. Somehow this thing in my head just comes out through my actions. I do not intend to be it like that but I have to decide to be greedy sometimes in order to know that I am wrong. And all these times, I have to act it so I can be reprimanded and then I would get the chance to realize and recall all over. That way I can be better. But I am sorry if I have hurted you.
It did not happen to me. It happened to somebody else. Two points are, I think, correct and can be considered right as to each stand point. Somehow things are not an advantage to both. Why did I say that? When right things clashes together, there something in that clash that just got to be wrong or not right at all.
In human ways, society set these group of righteousness but to once point of views can not be right nor correct. Example at school. We are asked to wear them all the time. That rule is somehow accepted by most but not by the remaining few. Some may not like it. I do not know their reason but as human we have got to understand and respect that. Although, the saddest point in the end is that the remaining few left no choice but to follow. No matter how many times the remaining few tried to explain their side, it is just not right nor correct for it is against the human laws which is again made up by society.
There is nothing wrong with human laws or the rules made up by society because it is for the better. We all live harmoniously only because of these laws. But, as human, we should not forget on reflecting what had happened to us earlier on (if we are on that situation where we felt we were misunderstood).
1. Nikon D80
2. Laptop (No preference)
3. Client for transcription work (legal, medical, general or business transcriptions)
4. Move to a new apartment.
5. Open another bank account (that means I have the initial deposit for this account)
6. One pair of shoes
8. 5 new blouses
9. Passed the exams for my training (out of the country kind of training)
10. Me to find my guy (awwwww!)
As much as I want to have them all, I know I cannot but I'm hoping I can have them all in few months time or something like that.
I am always encouraging friends to try to earn extra because I just do not want to hear, "my salary is not enough for my family or even to me." I am tired hearing that over and over again.
We all have 24hours to do things. You are suppose to sleep for 8 hours but since we have TV at home, you only sleep for 5-6 hours a night. Office hours should only be 9hours, including the 1 hour lunch break. What is left is basically for household chores, TV, computer, talking and sending text messages, and probably sitting on that sofa doing nothing. Those stuff are all for 9 hours.
If you simply convert 3-4 hours of that to something productive you could have earned an additional 2,000 for the whole month or even more.
My typical day would be, going to the office at 7:30am and work till 6:00 pm. Before I close my computer I would check on my blog and my online proposals for transcription work. I did get to invest time to learn how to start blogging. I did get to invest my time and money to learn the basic in transcription and I invested time again to find clients. I would have 3-4 hours of sleep from Mondays to Saturdays. Sundays for me is lazy day.
I was able to turn my expense into something self liquidating. For example, I am using my internet access to earn extra so I can pay my internet. Don't you just love it when your monthly salary is all for savings and you.
If I was able to do it so can you.
Women likes to be smelling good everyday. Who does not want to smell good especially when smelling good attracts the opposite sex and women do not like bad body odor. A perfume gift set would be nice to give especially when you are looking for ways to save money for the Holidays. Perfume gift set makes you save and at the same time giving the best to your woman. Personally, I would like to wear the perfume my man chooses for me because it is basically what he wants.
Us, girls, also thinks of getting fit especially after the holidays of too much eating. It is easy to eat and gain weight but it is hard to lose those fats away. The Wii Fit game from Nintendo is also another best gift for woman this Christmas. Wii Fit combines fun and fitness all together. Giving it to your woman does not entirely mean to really lose weight. Giving it to your woman means being healthy is another wealth in life to have.
With the Wii Fit game, you can both engage Body Test and compare their progress together. By playing it everyday or everytime you and your partner are together, makes your relationship stronger. And you can both work towards personal goal of living healthy and fit.
Digital cameras can be brought anywhere and you can recharge your battery, or if not, you can buy another set of batteries. Taking pictures is the best way to keep memories. It would be so nice to reminisce and recall the enjoyable moments of the pasts. Laptops have been the easiest way to share pictures with people without having to print them on paper. If you have your laptop with you, by simply turning on the laptop and click on picture viewer, your friends and families can enjoy watching you baby's pictures.
In everytime you use your laptop or your LCD TV, the photo sharing experience becomes more of broadcasting your pictures during those intimate moments of some friends and families. The beauty of viewing of these pictures means the whole family can now see themselves on laptops or LCD TV. So, the next time a visit to your relations gets a bit boring, bring out your camera and give everyone a star turn.
Step #1 - Link to the person who tagged you. Devylgyrl
Step #2 - Write Five Fun/Interesting Facts about yourself. This gives fellow bloggers (and your readership) a chance to actually get to know you better.
- I am single and dating and not dating. Workaholic to the max, if there is such thing.
- I am always on time and I hate waiting for people even for 5 minutes. I just value my time that is why.
- Always online for like 18 hours a day. I just lurk most of the time because with my kind of work I cannot concentrate if I say I am available for a talk or something.
- I read books which tells that I am boring sometimes. (NO I AM NOT!)
- I need an employer to hire me as a trainee in the US so I can work and experience work in there. I think it is one way for me to understand their culture.
The first African-American to be elected to the highest position. He came from the minority so I am assuming that he has the heart to the minority as well. I have read from www.counterpunch.org an article. I have read one line that describes President Obama as a good listener. I have read on Twitter who are voting for him and who are voting for McCain.
You can read more of President Obama's political platform here.
Barack Obama told supporters that "change has come to America," as he addressed the country for the first time as the president-elect.Read more about CNN's report here.
The diversity of people from different culture, from different homes, from different believes are meeting online to unintentionaly mention or discuss topics of who they are, how they are brought up and what they believe and etc.
I can be offended with that reaction from someone whom I did not meet personally but in my mind, it was my decision to be online, to create an online profile might as well be open to the fact that for others to say what they need to say and want to say for they thought it was not offensive or insulting. In the long run, I had a better appreciation towards others and how to care about others as well. I have noticed their wanting to be heard but not really insinuating that there response should be done or is correct. It was a simple reaction that needed to be heard. And I, as the one who heard it from him, needed to open my mind to a bigger thinking that life is not described as to what I want it to be. Life is not me but me with others whether online or offline.
It must be easy for my friend to describe my life in terms of "SEX" for one, he is a guy. Second, he must be comfortable with sex than anything else. And it must be the first thing that come out from his mind. Whatever are his reasons are, I should not take it as offensive or insulting. There are two things I do keep in mind that when you are online, you attract friends ,and second you attract enemies.
He made a last comment though because he knew I might be offended. He said, "I may have described it to sex, it does not mean that I am trying to imply that you should have sex because it is fun. No doubt sex is fun and sex is done by two responsible person."
It was pretty obvious that after describing it to sex he was immediately aware that he was not talking to someone like his kind. That he was talking to me. And I just blush.
I was focused to that. I was focused on a straight path to where I want to be and would like to be at in few months or days if possible. I delayed my happiness in the hope to be better at this part of my life. I just totally lost who I was before.
It is not a bad thing to be at. I mean it is part of growing and some things got to changed. But changes in me was drastic. I do not even know if I have missed one meeting with friends, am I answering all their SMS or calls to me, or was I giving them lame excuses. Even if I have time to see them, my body do not seem to be interested in seeing them anymore because I have worked too much and the days that are supposed to be for leisure was spent in bed trying to recover the lost hours of sleep.
My point here is that if I am neglecting my friendship with you or you think I was getting this huge head on top of me and I am blabbing things that you think was not the original me, I am sorry. I also would like to point out that I would really want to grow and part of growing is to change. But if you think I was not changing for the better, an email, or if you know my number, a call will always be an option for you to tell me that I am way too much and it is not healthy.
I admit to be changing a lot. I have let go of my smiling avatar and decided to seldom use my smiling pics because I would want others to see me serious this time. I think that was wrong for me to do because before when I used those smiling pictures it just gave me a reminder everyday that I have to refocus and rethink everything before uttering something or even deciding on things. When I see happy faces it always make me think twice like, am I going to do this to give everyone happiness or just me?
I do believe that whenever you do something you do not only think of what it can give to you but what it can give to others that surrounds you. But when I decided to change, I have pushed that idea away and now I have realized that it was wrong. I have got to change to something better.
Then again I am human and I make mistakes and it is not too late for me to change that. I only have to admit that I made mistake and hopefully learn from that mistake and move on. Always better to admit mistake than not to.
This is mine!!!
I sat in front of my computer and a pop up appeared and say Jerry has a mail for me. I opened it up then I was shocked at what I have read. Brought me to tears, called my friend Daisy and I just could not held it for long I just have to cry.
Initial reaction, I was furious. I was so mad and my precious years of waiting was placed to nothing. No, it was nothing at all from the beginning and I never thought it that way for I was brought to believe he was for real.
I have decided to just let it be for I do not have any other good choice to make. I do not simply want to even think of revenge, although I can not deny that I really thought about it. I was devastated. I felt like the world turned against me and that everything is planned that this was truly the end.
I just can not allow that hurt to endure forever so I tried to forget about everything. I thought it was the right thing to do. I do not know about fate or something like that but I was glad I found him online again so I can talk to him and straight things up.
Then it started again. I was so naive, so dumb, so stupid for believing in him again. What hurts the most is that the 3 years with him was nothing, and I felt like he never really cared for he never showed any signs that he knew me at all or at least remember my birthday. For all those years he never memorized some important facts about me. I thought, my God, what did I do to deserve all these? What did I do to be in this? This has got to be over and I can no longer talk to him.
For awhile, I thought I was fine. Then reading and knowing something was another reminder that this was not over at all. Things are just beginning to unfold. Then one day, he came up to me saying, I could not hurt him so I go through hurting his family. I said, oh my fucking god! I did not do anything and I was accused of something? This was all fucking bullshit! He is with me for 3 years and he thought about me hurting a family. If I could have done that I could have done it a long time ago and not wait for that long to get even with him.
I was so mad. My head aches a lot after being told about that. I was not raised like that. I can not simply let that be. This is my integrity this is who I am and he would just say things like that without even knowing why it happened to him and not directly point out fingers of who is the suspect and especially thought about me as the suspect for he was with me for 3 long years.
I can not believe I fell in love with a person like him.
It is so sad that after all the loyalty and honesty that I gave you for 3 long years, you still do not know me at all. I do not want to think things nor assume but I have been pretty dumb all those 3 years because I did not know I was just for play time. I was just for fun. You led me to believe that this is you. That this is how you look.
I can not deny I have learned something from all of these. I do not want to let that learnings go. I do not want to be ever talking to you ever again. I had enough. I deserve better. Better than the lies that you gave.
I support any organization that has a heart. I support everyone's main objectives are not for himself alone. I give support not because they are like my color. I give support not because I was forced to. I give support not because I was paid to do it.
I am currently busy with gathering all required papers and reviewing own training outline. I am hoping though that I can get this done and deal kind of thing. I was expecting some help from people I know but unfortunately I do not see any willingness to help me. I will still push this agenda and pray that I will get this.
There is no one to help me with this but only me. If ever someone will lend their hands I will gladly accept that.
Walking down memory lane. I wandered off as I am sipping a hot coffee on a Sunday morning, staring at how beautiful the sun is that day.
I got into an accident last Saturday, October 11, 2008 at exactly 7:37 a.m. My Unlce has this motorcycle and he is going downtown, I thought I should hitch a ride. Placed my helmet on, my bag on my left shoulder and my iPod on my left hand while my right hand holds on to my Uncle's shoulder. We are turning right when suddenly this pick up truck turn right and the pick up truck is on the wrong lane. The driver turns the wheel to the right and make sure that he would not hit the car in front of him. When he steps on the gas it turns right and hit us. My Uncle had more scratches and bruises than I am.
It was not my typical Sunday morning because I just felt someone woke me up and whispered, "Wake up!". I knew I had to stand up and wander around the house. I washed my face and fix a cup of hot coffee then opened the door. Seeing sunshine with yellow, red, and orange colors, I thought somebody could have been dead yesterday. I feel pain, and I still feel the warmth of the ray of the sun, but I was glad I was not dead nor I had too many bruises or I end up in the hospital. I was glad I was not. I was glad it was just fever, bruises and body pains.
It was so weird because when my right side hits the street gutter, the first thing on my mind was my cellphone, my iPod and money. I never felt how it hurts so much to hit that gutter.
I will never know when I will die. I will never know when it is "Times up!" for me. I am scared thinking what if it was really that fatal? What if we were not running that slow?
What if I am dead?
(Picture courtesy of Picasa)
I know it is way to early to discuss about costumes for halloween. For me, I always love it when things are prepared. I know I have time so I might as well try to check on what I can be or what I can be wearing for halloween.
I can imagine kids going house to house and ask for candies. I have two nephews and I need a child halloween costumes. The halloween party will most likely be at school and to support my nephews I would need an adult halloween costumes for me and the two nannies.
I can be a witch even though kids really call me real witch for I am very strict. My nephews can be dwarfs or something. This is making me excited.
City Mayor Pedro B. Acharon, Jr.
Congresswoman Darlene Antonino-Custodio
Department of Tourism XII
ABS-CBN Regional Network Group
Gen. Santos City Tourism Association
AMA Computer Learning Center
Grab A Crab Restaurant and Coffee Club 101
Gregoria Printing Press
Asia United Bank
Family Country Hotel & Convention Center
East Asia Royale Hotel
Fine Pixel Advertising
Blogging from Home Book
Pacific Seas Seafood Market
Generals Logimark Exponent
Prints and You
Forest Lake San Carlos Park
Rolee Bakery & Cafe
Blue Media Communications
International Container Terminal Services, Inc
Shalom Wizard Academy
Dreamworld Travel and Tours
Sta. Cruz Seafoods, Inc.
Dellosa Design Build Services
Husky Bus Lines
Family Brand Sardines
Gaisano Mall of GenSan
Chowking - KCC
Jollibee National Highway
Procter & Gamble Philis., Inc
It is a typical day at the University where you go in the classroom because you have a class. Professor talks about the good the bad and the ugly in accordance to what his experience are and what the recommended book says. You were unintentionaly lead to the belief that you will be doing this and that once you work for real. You set your mind into something hypothetical. It is not real at all. It is real for him for they have experienced it whilst the facts that were detailed and taught to us his students.
The funniest is after college. I thought it is easier to put up and manage my own business. If I solely depend on my education, I would be running my business to disaster. Eventually that happened to me. I spent thousands of pesos on to a desktop plublishing business, although I made it to breakeven but to any businessman a breakeven does not mean profit.
It is hard to believe and especially accept that I paid college tiution at a prestigious university only to believe on hypothesis and make myself over confident that I can make it big in the next five years. I have somehow realized that I did that to myself and not my professors or the university I went to. I made the choice and I made the assumptions so I have to blame me. Going back to "hard to believe and especially accept", blaming myself is another example to that.
I am now working butt off, working hard both day and night. I felt I am not paid what I believe, is due to me. Then again I must think I was squeezing my staff because I was literally not earning enough to pay what is due to them. I step back and think again that my professors are right. I just understood them in a different way and that understanding is only to my advantage.
The world where I am now keeps me up to date to what is new. I love it because my body seems to be enjoying it too despite the stress, pressure, body pains, lack of sleep, not eating at the exact time or skipping meals and etcetera.
The corporate world is not always as relaxing as compared to university or college days. Once you are working, you will feel beat up at the end of the day. You will love it when it is pay day. You will slowly see yourself wanting a credit card. You will see yourself wearing branded clothes. You will see yourself buying gadget every Christmas bonus. You will see your shoe rack with shoes that you do not actually need. You will see yourself eating at a fancy restaurant. You will love it, hate it, despise coworker or even your boss. You will feel victory and receive memo for unsatisfactory conduct. And the list goes on.
I am so afraid of quitting. Normally I would like to do something for a long time but when I am finally doing and enjoying, at one point in time I just do not want to continue doing it. Inside me is a battle of whether or not to move to the next level or should I say.
After so many times of feeling down after another is like a roller coaster ride that never end. I started to view the other side of my coin, appreciating what today has for me and stop worrying about my future and lingering on my past. What makes it even worse is living everyday moving forward because you do not have any other choice after quitting.
The idea of moving on is somehow easy to think but really hard to do. Even if you tell yourself everyday that you got the best foot forward and you are going to be just alright, the other foot seems like nailed on that ground that it does not want to let go.
I got to be strong. I got to be awakened. It just got to be. (Inhale, Exhale)
It was definitely a great talk and I love how it all end. I was able to know he don't hate me nor he admits that once in his life he called me a "bitch!" even if he don't mean to.
Pretended that I didn't know what he meant but I really want to hear him say goodbye that way I would feel there's nothing to go back to. I know he meant, "see you again soon", but for me if we see each other again soon then maybe it will be fate. Conversation has to end, it has to end because I might leave an impression that at anytime when he's no longer scared I am still there. I am the type that would only wait when I have so much time. I can wait definitely, but not when he no longer love me. I have the feeling he don't want to let go.
He knows how to find me if he really wants to. But I don't think he will. It just shows in his actions.
I just want to dance and I just want to keep this smile all day long. I am scared though because there might be something else and I might not like it.
I did not have enough sleep. I do not know where to get the people to hire for a particular project. Someone declined my offer for she said it is way too cheap and it hits the rock bottom of very cheap labor. I do not have any reason at all to be happy.
Anyway, I am happy now and I am just ready to jump for that happiness.
I wish I will get this one.
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On the first year that we've operated MTC Academy in Davao, there were a lot of curious people asking what is medical transcription. After a year and a half, people were asking where can they apply. My boss and I firmly believes that you don't give fish to people, instead teach them how to fish and so my boss initiated that there should be a transcription organization in Davao. So there is Transcription Alliance of Davao, Inc. (TADI) which is an organization of training providers, such as MTC Academy, and service providers, such as ZipIT Solutions, Inc.
Last August 29, at the Royal Mandaya Hotel, a discussion on both academes and employers on how to address a particular problem in recruitment or hiring. Although there was a drop on the number of enrollees which is mainly due to the economic problem, the real problem is job placement and why there's a little percentage of hiring?
I had my own taste of how it is to be unemployed. After so many job interviews you still don't get the job you applied for, especially the ones related to your course. At first I did not know that I have to have the basic skills. I just thought, I graduated from a prestigious school so I can easily be hired. I guess not! Because I simply don't give up, I landed on my first job after 5 years of being unemployed.
At the Jobs Fair at Sangguniang Panglungsod, last August 30-31, there are some applicants that would come to the employer's booth and would pass their resume without knowing the industry. I told myself that I was like that when I used to apply for a vacant position. Now I've realized it's a "No-No" to wear slippers, jeans, and as an applicant please let us not forget to at least look fresh and neat.
It is always good to have forums although some forums are really irrelevant.
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I had the most interesting week so far. Not that I got into fight with someone but I somehow witnessed a conversation that has turned into, I think is worse, harrasment as describe by one of the party.
You learn from conversation even if you are just the listener and someone else is talking which I think is the short term goal. The long term goal for me in that situation is catching how each one reacts to each words/ sentences spoken. A conversation can end up smoothly or the other. I try to be very conscious with my uttered words for I personally don't know the person I am talking to. She or he is not my relative or my long time friend. I am somehow trapped sometimes in a conversation especially when the other is making me feel weak or he/she is stepping on my dignity or belief as a person. I just can't let him or her do that. It's human nature to react and thus it is human nature to accept that somehow the other reacted to your statement means he/she got hurt. And so I believe is less harming mistake and again human nature to be not perfect for no one is born to be perfect.
I believe I grow by living everyday and forgeting what was yesterday. Who I am today is because of what I have decided to be yesterday. My past is part of me and my past is no longer part of my present. It is as simple as that. I don't think I have to won in a conversation neither the other has to lose but what is important is you are able to wake up the next day and start a new beginning and start a new conversation with the same person without bring the past up again and especially without dragging other people with you.
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Life is supposed to be a journey. It is not a destination and it is not something to achieved at the end of it. In life, there can be sorrow there can be happiness. Why do I say this because I see life as a success. It is one thing that only you is driving and leading and in every little decisions that you've made a little of it will affect the lives of the common but with great affect to the people close to you or are part somehow of that big decision.
In everyday I try to disregard sorrow and try not to bring it with me for every sorrow is twice as heavy as happiness and mostly you can find it along the way. Unlike happiness, either I have to worked hard for it so that it will turn some event great and memorable and I can say made me smile and others who are on that event smile as well.
One thing why I write before is that it is my only way to communicate. Along the process, I've bumped into the idea that I might earn something from it. It's a long shot kind of earning so I still tried. On that writing was a full part of my life, my love, my family, my friends, my work and so on. And because I write things from the heart so I somehow manage people to like and comment on my posts.
I love reading again and again whatever I've posted. I love the feeling that I was able to say it and nonetheless I may have insulted someone or have hurt someone, I still get the feeling like, "Oh, Yes! I've said it." With series of not so good things happened I somehow detracted and when I read it back again, I told myself, "this is not how I write before."
I do not regret losing that touch though. I know there would be something more or something else in exchange of losing my old style of writing. My hours have to divided to number of tasks to be done in a day not including the little misunderstanding stuffs that I am into right now. I can definitely say I am beginning to be someone else better, bigger, and brighter.
I may have lost one thing but it will not stop me to go on and be someone again even if I would have to start from the beginning.
In the Office the Next Day, July 31, 2008.
She didn't say good morning to me when she came in. Or did she? Even though I was not able to set up the interview the other day, I was able to make them come again the next day to do the interview. I was glad I was able to do it. I have big ears and it can hear people talking behind my back. Not really that I have big ears physically but as a person like me who in everyday try to put that smile on her face, greeting everyone good morning, making her day as positive as possible for she know there will be a very long day of stress and pressures. I know when someone will talk something behind my back because I have somehow had a little arguement with this person. It is human nature to find someone to listen to her rant so I know she have said something, a line or two or more about how she felt about what had happened.
I expected all that to happen. I do not really feel bad when she will talk behind my back. I do not care at all for I know I have a reason why and I have the right to be upset. If that is very "not professional" or I was disrespectful, so be it. I have said my word and I have intentionally displayed that I am upset.
My thought in all of these are; you can never really dictate somehow what to do if she is not willing to do it. No matter if it will help her and the company per se, you simply could not pre-thought that she will agree with your demands even though she have wholeheartedly expressed she will help you before. Another wiser thought on what had happened, it is a typical reaction of someone who is not a pro at interviews to react as if it was the end of the world for her. Nobody wants to see themselves on tv even if she has dreamt about being on tv a hundred times, she would not be on tv when she said she will not be on tv.
Just another thought before the day ends.
I hope older people would also adjust in all situations and would not expect the younger people to adjust all the time. Education should always be a win-win education. Two people could have learned on the process. I hope.
A team is never going to be a one man show. It is either a group of two or more. I just don't get it when others don't want to be part of the team and yet they have to be because in a way the company is paying them monthly so I guess they don't have choice. They've got to participate.
A local tv reporter showed up, asking if he can interview someone who is knowledgeable enough regarding how medical transcription is done. I could have done it but I am not a medical transcriptionist, I know the industry but I have not tried doing it so I should have set it up with a real person doing the job. Let us give justice to what is being reported on tv, words should come out from the person who can give the truth on what and how medical transcription is done. I could have do it, I'm a marketing personnel I can make up stories, that's what all other people think of people in sales but I am not going to increase sales in a way that I am fooling and giving false information to possible prospects.
In any way you look at it, it's a business opportunity to increase awareness and it's free. The company won't have to spend anything on that interview. What sucks the most is that the employees running the company, who somehow promised to help this company rise is not at all cooperating. Alright, they don't like to be on tv, I respect that. Can they just think of what to answer before you eventually say what's on your mind?
Yes, this is a rant. Tomorrow this rant will change. Yes, you can answer me back but like you do, you simply just say what your first answer was not thinking that it could have helped the company progress.
I always love to celebrate birthday. I'm a little wiser now that I don't literally celebrate birthday with cakes and all stuff but when it comes to kids ages 5-8 or even 9 yrs old, they would really love those stuff.
I always have a birthday party when Mom was still alive. I stopped having one when she was gone. The last party was my 18th birthday and until now, I still considered it as a sham since Mom was not really there and she died the same year. Before all that realization even happened, I always wanted to have my birthday debut. Who would not want a birthday debut when they reached 18. Since Mom died the same year, I thought I should not had one birthday debut.
I can't go back to that, I have to moved on so I did moved on forgetting all those things. It just so happened that my little nephew celebrated his 8th birthday and all things came back to me again especially when I saw from a child's eye that his parents should be here on his birthday.
It is a very complicated situation. It even got more complicated when both parties pride are prevalent than their supposed to be caring feelings of a proud parents. I personally don't like it at all. The father's side saying he's borrowing the kids for some birthday party. I know I have shown some pride on that situation too but somehow I may say I got the right to show my pride for I was there when the birthday kid was sick, when I have to wake up to get their food ready in the morning, when I need to hug them and kiss them so they will not feel nobody loves them for basically both of the parents are not around.
I do not say I am the only one at this, as for the moment, there are help from the birthday kid's grandmother, two hired nanny for each of the boys. I am trying to make things simplified, and the fact to that complexity is that the boy has a mother and a father. That's it. The concerned who are supposed to be oblige to do the obligations and responsibilities are more concern on fighting and exchange unsolicited opinions when it don't matter for the moment.
Yes, you have to angry and mad at each other for you've committed something that had hurt the others' feelings but what's the point with fighting when we all know each year the boy turned a year older and sooner will understand what's going on? What do you expect me to answer to him when he ask, why is it that my classmates' mom and dad are here and I only have my mother's cousin to check on me?
My point is, times like these everyone should not waste time on letting out what is solely for the good of one but for the good of everyone. I know for one, if I get to decide to leave the house because I know I am not oblige to take care of the boys but if I do that, I would hurt the boys feelings and most probably they would feel nobody really loves them. I don't care if I have spent so much or so little for the boys what matter is that they won't feel that the world hated them or the one that should be showing love hated them.
Can't we all just put all hurt feelings aside and let the boys have a brighter future? What is broken will forever be broken but don't include what's for the kids.
It is a happy feeling to talk to your love one, even a single hi and hello would make you smile. I loved that feeling and I missed that feeling. I do not intend to make a relationship perfect, there will always be something that will most likely test both of you. Definitely hard to be in a water where you have to decide, move on or forget about it.
There are no relationships that are the same. I know for one for I couldn't find any similarity on my past relationship. Although, I am really attracted to give the last relationship I had another chance. I just have so many questions still. I also find myself demand things from him that I know he's not ready to give.
All these can somehow be what you felt. These are what I feel right now. Should I give in and what, eat my pride? Should I just let it be and look for someone else? In all of these things, I have learned to love myself more and even know myself more. I like it when I know that I am becoming more mature person. Although part of that growing is somehow changing my attitudes. I can't seem to find control in choosing my reactions especially when I get to talk to my ex. I am more of a grumpy person that I am a sweet girl to my ex. I'd love to be the same person to him but I don't want to give him the impression that I am willing to go back with him. I also have my pride and part of that pride is to make sure I won't be hurt again. I got to love the person whoever he is, yes I can do that, I simply can't give love if that person doesn't give love to himself as well. If you were the guy, you should be more stronger than the girl. That would include the fact that when you have to decide on something, make a stand and it don't matter if you are wrong or right on that decision you just have to make that stand and don't leave it all up to the power of nature or fate.
If you let "all up to you" phrases to lead your life, there wouldn't be nowhere to go to. There wouldn't be any progress and plus, guys should be strong for the relationship, and the girl should lead a relationship. This is in my opinion, you might want to react on this opinion. But it doesn't stop there, for some of the times it can be vice versa. It all depends on what you both are into. I think this is how things should be because you both love each other. This is how things should be because you both believe in each other and part of that believing is again loving each other.
You don't actually need to change, because if you were true to what you say, it will show through your actions. If you say, you'd say it all from the heart then don't answer back with "all up to you" because it is not from your heart. You'd say that only because you don't want to hurt the other party. You'd say that because you are afraid. You just have to take that risk, I definitely have decided to take that risk but it doesn't seem to be going forward. Giving lines that somehow tells what I wanted to say but it you just can't read what's between the lines because you are too busy thinking "I might hurt her again."
Getting hurt is part of everything. You can't take that out. If you don't want to hurt someone tell the truth. There's nothing wrong with telling the truth. It is a lighter feeling to tell the truth rather than to delay telling the truth. If you want to suspend telling the truth, there are a greater chances the other party would know, and would know the truth from another channel. Relationships is run by both party not by the guy or the girl.
[7/22/2008 5:51:16 PM] H says: why?
[7/22/2008 5:51:46 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: so i can spell
[7/22/2008 5:53:52 PM] H says: what for?
[7/22/2008 5:54:28 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: so when i want to type something i can spell it
[7/22/2008 5:55:09 PM] H says: ok
[7/22/2008 5:55:37 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: there alot of words i can't spell
[7/22/2008 5:55:59 PM] H says: i really don't understand why you need that kind of ability
[7/22/2008 5:56:26 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: we do a lot of email here at work
[7/22/2008 5:59:00 PM] H says: so you want to put spell on your emails
[7/22/2008 5:59:04 PM] H says: i see...
[7/22/2008 5:59:18 PM] H says: when you do know how to create a spell don't ever email me LOL
[7/22/2008 5:59:55 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: you like it when i mess up
[7/22/2008 6:00:38 PM] H says: ha??
[7/22/2008 6:00:44 PM] H says: did you?
[7/22/2008 6:00:59 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: i do all the time
[7/22/2008 6:01:50 PM] H says: you didn't... you just acted on something quick in which you didn't use your head
[7/22/2008 6:02:09 PM] H says: so turned out to be a mistake later...
[7/22/2008 6:02:31 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: thats happens alot to
[7/22/2008 6:03:44 PM] H says: every human do that..
[7/22/2008 6:03:59 PM] H says: water for me first... can't reach the glasses
[7/22/2008 6:04:28 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: ok
[7/22/2008 6:18:58 PM] H says: broke 5 glasses today and they all come rushing
[7/22/2008 6:19:40 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: that means they care about there glasses lol
[7/22/2008 6:21:46 PM] H says: yeah... they do
[7/22/2008 6:22:00 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: i was joking
[7/22/2008 6:24:35 PM] H says: ok
[7/22/2008 6:24:51 PM] H says: i like breaking things
[7/22/2008 6:24:57 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: i see you got a nice pic of your self today
[7/22/2008 6:25:03 PM] H says: im taking that out
[7/22/2008 6:25:09 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: why
[7/22/2008 6:25:18 PM] H says: just shy
[7/22/2008 6:25:19 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: don't be a brat
[7/22/2008 6:27:13 PM] H says: thanks for calling me a brat...im proud to be one
[7/22/2008 6:31:50 PM] JD (CSR/TSR) says: in that case im glad to have called you one lol
This is an example of a conversation wherein in a computer mediated conversation the other party thought that "learn how to spell" means like magic spells, and the other party really meant learn how to spell a word.
Makes everyone human and nothing in this world is perfect.
He ran from this corner, crossing the street without looking from his right that the cab I am in is running 20kph. He rushed to this garbage bin, trying so hard to reach the bottom of the bin so he can get more plastic bottles. He is so quick and he just shouted, "Tara na!" (Let's go!). He knows that if he won't be snappy he wouldn't get that much plastic. I can't seem to find his companion.
It was red light, so we stopped and I looked around if I could possibly find his companion. I saw one girl with a dirty white shirt with nothing else on her, approached the cab driver and asked for some coins.
For all these months I thought life was directly hitting hard on me. I lost, I've worked hard and then nothing came for me. I asked myself, "what about those people who have been there for you? They've made you smile, you were happy for once when you were talking to them." I must admit, I am totally having fun when my mind is occupied with a lot of things.
Bottom line is, I have been trying to get rid of pain and I thought working hard is enough to bring my life back again. These kids are not even worried about clothes the next day or what to eat. They don't care if they smell bad. They live life day by day. I'm still lucky and yet I have demands. I want this, I don't like this, I am hurt, I feel hopeless. I don't see all those in the little girls eyes. So I was like, "What the hell happened to you Hunee?" I definitely am sober and yet I have things in life that are so much and I can not simply count them all for I have neglected all of them.
I feel sorry to myself. I got to change. I have to.
Since that we are constantly talking to each other again, although we basically started online and we end it all up online too, seeing you again in person would be harmless but somehow I wouldn't deny the eagerness to hug you. No doubt, there are some other things running through my head like we were supposed to get married this year, and we are both aware that the relationship has risen up to another level. A mature people agreed in actions and in words that this is gonna be it, talking relentlessly and without limits whatever this mind and mouth can think and say about. You know what I mean when I say this, but again if I go back to reality, seeing you again would somehow bring me back to those talks of sweetness and passion. I do not guarantee I would keep my distance away from you for I've yearned for your embrace as well but we both know that before the embrace would happen, we've both decided to end the line or cut the thread of what we call love.
Those lovely thoughts and feelings are all gonna be lined up in the memory lane and with the plans to get old together are somehow glimpse that in life, we will be in someone else's arms. If tide would be change and global warming would decrease, these hurting hearts and burning emotions of anger would subside and maybe, and maybe we might go back to each others arms.
For know, I couldn't answer that. I don't know if I am ready or I don't know if the love will cover all the hurt I have felt when you left and when you've kept things from me. In which, I totally believe as a lie.
If you are in an average family in the Philippines, you might be lucky to be buried decently like this picture.
My Grandmother died of age. She stopped breathing and was basically ill and bed ridden for sometime before she left us. I get my brat attitude from her, I guess. I just don't want to listen. As for my mother, she died in Taiwan. I always thought there was a foul play on her death. But because I was young, I never dared to asked.
For families who have real good green, they build a small house to cater their dead families. I always find this one creepy. I was hoping to get something walking wearing white when I took this picture.
And this is what I call apartment type of cemetery. My younger brother who died as a baby was buried here. Will do dig him up when I will have enough to pay for the expenses.