A Broken Dreams

I always love to celebrate birthday. I'm a little wiser now that I don't literally celebrate birthday with cakes and all stuff but when it comes to kids ages 5-8 or even 9 yrs old, they would really love those stuff.

I always have a birthday party when Mom was still alive. I stopped having one when she was gone. The last party was my 18th birthday and until now, I still considered it as a sham since Mom was not really there and she died the same year. Before all that realization even happened, I always wanted to have my birthday debut. Who would not want a birthday debut when they reached 18. Since Mom died the same year, I thought I should not had one birthday debut.

I can't go back to that, I have to moved on so I did moved on forgetting all those things. It just so happened that my little nephew celebrated his 8th birthday and all things came back to me again especially when I saw from a child's eye that his parents should be here on his birthday.

It is a very complicated situation. It even got more complicated when both parties pride are prevalent than their supposed to be caring feelings of a proud parents. I personally don't like it at all. The father's side saying he's borrowing the kids for some birthday party. I know I have shown some pride on that situation too but somehow I may say I got the right to show my pride for I was there when the birthday kid was sick, when I have to wake up to get their food ready in the morning, when I need to hug them and kiss them so they will not feel nobody loves them for basically both of the parents are not around.

I do not say I am the only one at this, as for the moment, there are help from the birthday kid's grandmother, two hired nanny for each of the boys. I am trying to make things simplified, and the fact to that complexity is that the boy has a mother and a father. That's it. The concerned who are supposed to be oblige to do the obligations and responsibilities are more concern on fighting and exchange unsolicited opinions when it don't matter for the moment.

Yes, you have to angry and mad at each other for you've committed something that had hurt the others' feelings but what's the point with fighting when we all know each year the boy turned a year older and sooner will understand what's going on? What do you expect me to answer to him when he ask, why is it that my classmates' mom and dad are here and I only have my mother's cousin to check on me?

My point is, times like these everyone should not waste time on letting out what is solely for the good of one but for the good of everyone. I know for one, if I get to decide to leave the house because I know I am not oblige to take care of the boys but if I do that, I would hurt the boys feelings and most probably they would feel nobody really loves them. I don't care if I have spent so much or so little for the boys what matter is that they won't feel that the world hated them or the one that should be showing love hated them.

Can't we all just put all hurt feelings aside and let the boys have a brighter future? What is broken will forever be broken but don't include what's for the kids.

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