Lessons 102

I don't know why new friends, former classmates, old friends and etc would come to ask me the same questions again and again. Why do you need to work so hard? And how do you manage to be on the clock 16-18hours daily?

I've always been dreaming of running my own company ever since. I told myself once, maybe this is what I always wanted to do in the future or maybe this is where my skills and my approach to life leads me to be doing for forever.

There were a lot of sacrifices and the other wonderful part of doing it is being able to help myself achieve and get things I've always wanted, and give what my family needs.

I don't earn that much but slowly I'm getting there and I know that. I have great confidence in what I do and I take pride in what I do.

With all my hardships, I've been through ups and downs and I've cried, I've lost, I've invested again and then again I've lost but it doesn't make me decide to quit. I've did what I thought is right. I don't know if I have stepped on someone. There is one thing I'm sure of not getting is finding myself a man and settling down.

I don't regret it but it made me think especially when I'm alone. I also didn't get to be that outgoing with a lot of people. But I do spend a lot of time online.

I can't have both worlds that could and would make me happy. I can't have everything I always wanted. In the first place, I know I can't be forever happy but somehow I still find happiness although not the everlasting type.

I don't know if I've been a good daughter or a good sister. All I know is I am being me and I worked hard to get to where I am.

Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!

I can't think of any title for this post. I couldn't believe I've been quiet for so long. I haven't wrote anything in the past months. Gosh! I miss this.

Like I always said, blogging is one way of expressing myself, what I feel, what I think about this and that. I am so not into social web past months. I have been very busy plus there were trips outside the country.

The first trip was for fun. Trip was all about spending time with friends. Friends back at the university. Everyone else was busy with these and that and getting out of the country was one way to get me and friends really spend hours talking, walking, eating together and etc...

Then I decided to quit on my job. I got this new job and moved out of Davao, went to Manila, now in Sucat, Paranaque doing medical billing. Like I always expected. Getting yourself into something new is never easy. This was my thought when I first got this job offer in February. I know that I am used to things within MTC and now if I will accept the offer, I will definitely have to start from the beginning.

Life goes on. Life is never easy. I'm happy though. Keep smiling.

The Leader in Me

There has been many times that my pride was hurt. I have principles in life that I stick through so I can survive. It is not new to me to change those principles because I believe everyday this world is growing.

No matter how many times I wanted to take the right path, there are times that I question my principles because somehow, at the back of my mind I am thinking, I needed to be the first. I can not forever be letting others be ahead of me.

The human nature to be greedy and selfish. I do not deny that because even it is just in my head, I am still being greedy. Somehow this thing in my head just comes out through my actions. I do not intend to be it like that but I have to decide to be greedy sometimes in order to know that I am wrong. And all these times, I have to act it so I can be reprimanded and then I would get the chance to realize and recall all over. That way I can be better. But I am sorry if I have hurted you.

When Personal Stuff Clashes with Office Stuff

I wish I did not write something about this. But I always stick to the bigger goal that when writing this insight I might and could have picked up something to learn about.

It did not happen to me. It happened to somebody else. Two points are, I think, correct and can be considered right as to each stand point. Somehow things are not an advantage to both. Why did I say that? When right things clashes together, there something in that clash that just got to be wrong or not right at all.

In human ways, society set these group of righteousness but to once point of views can not be right nor correct. Example at school. We are asked to wear them all the time. That rule is somehow accepted by most but not by the remaining few. Some may not like it. I do not know their reason but as human we have got to understand and respect that. Although, the saddest point in the end is that the remaining few left no choice but to follow. No matter how many times the remaining few tried to explain their side, it is just not right nor correct for it is against the human laws which is again made up by society.

There is nothing wrong with human laws or the rules made up by society because it is for the better. We all live harmoniously only because of these laws. But, as human, we should not forget on reflecting what had happened to us earlier on (if we are on that situation where we felt we were misunderstood).

Quote: "Your Sex Life is Boring."

I have been blogging for a year and a half now. I have been active with social networking sites. My daily routine would be waking up in the morning checking what happened in the last hours that I have been asleep. When I get to the office I still get online and check again and I would be online for all day long. When I get home I still do come online and check again. Some find it boring and a friend of mine describe my life by comparing it to sex. He said, "Your sex life is boring. If you were not laid last night you are contented with reading sex blogs." I was just like, "Wow! People from other country are really comfortable talking about sex especially with the opposite sex."

The diversity of people from different culture, from different homes, from different believes are meeting online to unintentionaly mention or discuss topics of who they are, how they are brought up and what they believe and etc.

I can be offended with that reaction from someone whom I did not meet personally but in my mind, it was my decision to be online, to create an online profile might as well be open to the fact that for others to say what they need to say and want to say for they thought it was not offensive or insulting. In the long run, I had a better appreciation towards others and how to care about others as well. I have noticed their wanting to be heard but not really insinuating that there response should be done or is correct. It was a simple reaction that needed to be heard. And I, as the one who heard it from him, needed to open my mind to a bigger thinking that life is not described as to what I want it to be. Life is not me but me with others whether online or offline.

It must be easy for my friend to describe my life in terms of "SEX" for one, he is a guy. Second, he must be comfortable with sex than anything else. And it must be the first thing that come out from his mind. Whatever are his reasons are, I should not take it as offensive or insulting. There are two things I do keep in mind that when you are online, you attract friends ,and second you attract enemies.

He made a last comment though because he knew I might be offended. He said, "I may have described it to sex, it does not mean that I am trying to imply that you should have sex because it is fun. No doubt sex is fun and sex is done by two responsible person."

It was pretty obvious that after describing it to sex he was immediately aware that he was not talking to someone like his kind. That he was talking to me. And I just blush.

I Try to Change Me

I had been busy lately. I can not deny that. My life was focused on to saving more so I can gain more. Practically you can see it like investing on a stock. You tend to watch how the stock works and the bullish and the bearish ways that a particular stock can be. Hoping it will always be bullish and would never experienced going down or bearish. The more it is going up the more you think of not stopping it because you are gaining more. Your full attention are at the Bloomberg Channel or the newspapers. You might be good at calculating and predicting what will happen like those in the stock market, you just do not stop.

I was focused to that. I was focused on a straight path to where I want to be and would like to be at in few months or days if possible. I delayed my happiness in the hope to be better at this part of my life. I just totally lost who I was before.

It is not a bad thing to be at. I mean it is part of growing and some things got to changed. But changes in me was drastic. I do not even know if I have missed one meeting with friends, am I answering all their SMS or calls to me, or was I giving them lame excuses. Even if I have time to see them, my body do not seem to be interested in seeing them anymore because I have worked too much and the days that are supposed to be for leisure was spent in bed trying to recover the lost hours of sleep.

My point here is that if I am neglecting my friendship with you or you think I was getting this huge head on top of me and I am blabbing things that you think was not the original me, I am sorry. I also would like to point out that I would really want to grow and part of growing is to change. But if you think I was not changing for the better, an email, or if you know my number, a call will always be an option for you to tell me that I am way too much and it is not healthy.

I admit to be changing a lot. I have let go of my smiling avatar and decided to seldom use my smiling pics because I would want others to see me serious this time. I think that was wrong for me to do because before when I used those smiling pictures it just gave me a reminder everyday that I have to refocus and rethink everything before uttering something or even deciding on things. When I see happy faces it always make me think twice like, am I going to do this to give everyone happiness or just me?

I do believe that whenever you do something you do not only think of what it can give to you but what it can give to others that surrounds you. But when I decided to change, I have pushed that idea away and now I have realized that it was wrong. I have got to change to something better.

Then again I am human and I make mistakes and it is not too late for me to change that. I only have to admit that I made mistake and hopefully learn from that mistake and move on. Always better to admit mistake than not to.

2009 Objectives

I wanted to be a "Trainee" in anywhere of the US soil. The reason behind it is I would like to explore more avenues of building my career. I am single and workaholic. I am guessing that I am way to busy to even think of me settling down even if my batchmates are settling down.

I am currently busy with gathering all required papers and reviewing own training outline. I am hoping though that I can get this done and deal kind of thing. I was expecting some help from people I know but unfortunately I do not see any willingness to help me. I will still push this agenda and pray that I will get this.

There is no one to help me with this but only me. If ever someone will lend their hands I will gladly accept that.

My Motorcycle Accident

Walking down memory lane. I wandered off as I am sipping a hot coffee on a Sunday morning, staring at how beautiful the sun is that day.

I got into an accident last Saturday, October 11, 2008 at exactly 7:37 a.m. My Unlce has this motorcycle and he is going downtown, I thought I should hitch a ride. Placed my helmet on, my bag on my left shoulder and my iPod on my left hand while my right hand holds on to my Uncle's shoulder. We are turning right when suddenly this pick up truck turn right and the pick up truck is on the wrong lane. The driver turns the wheel to the right and make sure that he would not hit the car in front of him. When he steps on the gas it turns right and hit us. My Uncle had more scratches and bruises than I am.

It was not my typical Sunday morning because I just felt someone woke me up and whispered, "Wake up!". I knew I had to stand up and wander around the house. I washed my face and fix a cup of hot coffee then opened the door. Seeing sunshine with yellow, red, and orange colors, I thought somebody could have been dead yesterday. I feel pain, and I still feel the warmth of the ray of the sun, but I was glad I was not dead nor I had too many bruises or I end up in the hospital. I was glad I was not. I was glad it was just fever, bruises and body pains.

It was so weird because when my right side hits the street gutter, the first thing on my mind was my cellphone, my iPod and money. I never felt how it hurts so much to hit that gutter.

I will never know when I will die. I will never know when it is "Times up!" for me. I am scared thinking what if it was really that fatal? What if we were not running that slow?

What if I am dead?

(Picture courtesy of Picasa)

Aftermath of Quitting

I am so afraid of quitting. Normally I would like to do something for a long time but when I am finally doing and enjoying, at one point in time I just do not want to continue doing it. Inside me is a battle of whether or not to move to the next level or should I say.

After so many times of feeling down after another is like a roller coaster ride that never end. I started to view the other side of my coin, appreciating what today has for me and stop worrying about my future and lingering on my past. What makes it even worse is living everyday moving forward because you do not have any other choice after quitting.

The idea of moving on is somehow easy to think but really hard to do. Even if you tell yourself everyday that you got the best foot forward and you are going to be just alright, the other foot seems like nailed on that ground that it does not want to let go.

I got to be strong. I got to be awakened. It just got to be. (Inhale, Exhale)

The Last Episode

It was definitely a great talk and I love how it all end. I was able to know he don't hate me nor he admits that once in his life he called me a "bitch!" even if he don't mean to.

Pretended that I didn't know what he meant but I really want to hear him say goodbye that way I would feel there's nothing to go back to. I know he meant, "see you again soon", but for me if we see each other again soon then maybe it will be fate. Conversation has to end, it has to end because I might leave an impression that at anytime when he's no longer scared I am still there. I am the type that would only wait when I have so much time. I can wait definitely, but not when he no longer love me. I have the feeling he don't want to let go.

He knows how to find me if he really wants to. But I don't think he will. It just shows in his actions.

I'm free!

How I Say Goodbye to Yesterday

It is most common for people to say what they want to say and sometimes we either talk a lot or we just say things because we believe that it should be said. Also common to be in a situation where the two of you would start from simple conversation and then go into a what I would describe as a fight. It maybe because of you don't believe on the same things, or it can be of principles. It can be of any reason.


I had the most interesting week so far. Not that I got into fight with someone but I somehow witnessed a conversation that has turned into, I think is worse, harrasment as describe by one of the party.


You learn from conversation even if you are just the listener and someone else is talking which I think is the short term goal. The long term goal for me in that situation is catching how each one reacts to each words/ sentences spoken. A conversation can end up smoothly or the other. I try to be very conscious with my uttered words for I personally don't know the person I am talking to. She or he is not my relative or my long time friend. I am somehow trapped sometimes in a conversation especially when the other is making me feel weak or he/she is stepping on my dignity or belief as a person. I just can't let him or her do that. It's human nature to react and thus it is human nature to accept that somehow the other reacted to your statement means he/she got hurt. And so I believe is less harming mistake and again human nature to be not perfect for no one is born to be perfect.


I believe I grow by living everyday and forgeting what was yesterday. Who I am today is because of what I have decided to be yesterday. My past is part of me and my past is no longer part of my present. It is as simple as that. I don't think I have to won in a conversation neither the other has to lose but what is important is you are able to wake up the next day and start a new beginning and start a new conversation with the same person without bring the past up again and especially without dragging other people with you.

Reflection: Wiser Thought

I was upset yesterday. It was clearly a misunderstanding, I think, it was definitely a clash of human reactions of what they want and what they don not want. Believe me or not, it took me to think about what I should and could have learned from that until 1am. I can not believe it was that long for me to realize that it was definitely non sense.

In the Office the Next Day, July 31, 2008.

She didn't say good morning to me when she came in. Or did she? Even though I was not able to set up the interview the other day, I was able to make them come again the next day to do the interview. I was glad I was able to do it. I have big ears and it can hear people talking behind my back. Not really that I have big ears physically but as a person like me who in everyday try to put that smile on her face, greeting everyone good morning, making her day as positive as possible for she know there will be a very long day of stress and pressures. I know when someone will talk something behind my back because I have somehow had a little arguement with this person. It is human nature to find someone to listen to her rant so I know she have said something, a line or two or more about how she felt about what had happened.

I expected all that to happen. I do not really feel bad when she will talk behind my back. I do not care at all for I know I have a reason why and I have the right to be upset. If that is very "not professional" or I was disrespectful, so be it. I have said my word and I have intentionally displayed that I am upset.

My thought in all of these are; you can never really dictate somehow what to do if she is not willing to do it. No matter if it will help her and the company per se, you simply could not pre-thought that she will agree with your demands even though she have wholeheartedly expressed she will help you before. Another wiser thought on what had happened, it is a typical reaction of someone who is not a pro at interviews to react as if it was the end of the world for her. Nobody wants to see themselves on tv even if she has dreamt about being on tv a hundred times, she would not be on tv when she said she will not be on tv.

Just another thought before the day ends.

I hope older people would also adjust in all situations and would not expect the younger people to adjust all the time. Education should always be a win-win education. Two people could have learned on the process. I hope.

It's not a One Man Show

A team is never going to be a one man show. It is either a group of two or more. I just don't get it when others don't want to be part of the team and yet they have to be because in a way the company is paying them monthly so I guess they don't have choice. They've got to participate.

What happened?

A local tv reporter showed up, asking if he can interview someone who is knowledgeable enough regarding how medical transcription is done. I could have done it but I am not a medical transcriptionist, I know the industry but I have not tried doing it so I should have set it up with a real person doing the job. Let us give justice to what is being reported on tv, words should come out from the person who can give the truth on what and how medical transcription is done. I could have do it, I'm a marketing personnel I can make up stories, that's what all other people think of people in sales but I am not going to increase sales in a way that I am fooling and giving false information to possible prospects.

In any way you look at it, it's a business opportunity to increase awareness and it's free. The company won't have to spend anything on that interview. What sucks the most is that the employees running the company, who somehow promised to help this company rise is not at all cooperating. Alright, they don't like to be on tv, I respect that. Can they just think of what to answer before you eventually say what's on your mind?

Yes, this is a rant. Tomorrow this rant will change. Yes, you can answer me back but like you do, you simply just say what your first answer was not thinking that it could have helped the company progress.

A Broken Dreams

I always love to celebrate birthday. I'm a little wiser now that I don't literally celebrate birthday with cakes and all stuff but when it comes to kids ages 5-8 or even 9 yrs old, they would really love those stuff.

I always have a birthday party when Mom was still alive. I stopped having one when she was gone. The last party was my 18th birthday and until now, I still considered it as a sham since Mom was not really there and she died the same year. Before all that realization even happened, I always wanted to have my birthday debut. Who would not want a birthday debut when they reached 18. Since Mom died the same year, I thought I should not had one birthday debut.

I can't go back to that, I have to moved on so I did moved on forgetting all those things. It just so happened that my little nephew celebrated his 8th birthday and all things came back to me again especially when I saw from a child's eye that his parents should be here on his birthday.

It is a very complicated situation. It even got more complicated when both parties pride are prevalent than their supposed to be caring feelings of a proud parents. I personally don't like it at all. The father's side saying he's borrowing the kids for some birthday party. I know I have shown some pride on that situation too but somehow I may say I got the right to show my pride for I was there when the birthday kid was sick, when I have to wake up to get their food ready in the morning, when I need to hug them and kiss them so they will not feel nobody loves them for basically both of the parents are not around.

I do not say I am the only one at this, as for the moment, there are help from the birthday kid's grandmother, two hired nanny for each of the boys. I am trying to make things simplified, and the fact to that complexity is that the boy has a mother and a father. That's it. The concerned who are supposed to be oblige to do the obligations and responsibilities are more concern on fighting and exchange unsolicited opinions when it don't matter for the moment.

Yes, you have to angry and mad at each other for you've committed something that had hurt the others' feelings but what's the point with fighting when we all know each year the boy turned a year older and sooner will understand what's going on? What do you expect me to answer to him when he ask, why is it that my classmates' mom and dad are here and I only have my mother's cousin to check on me?

My point is, times like these everyone should not waste time on letting out what is solely for the good of one but for the good of everyone. I know for one, if I get to decide to leave the house because I know I am not oblige to take care of the boys but if I do that, I would hurt the boys feelings and most probably they would feel nobody really loves them. I don't care if I have spent so much or so little for the boys what matter is that they won't feel that the world hated them or the one that should be showing love hated them.

Can't we all just put all hurt feelings aside and let the boys have a brighter future? What is broken will forever be broken but don't include what's for the kids.

I Want You Back

It is always a great feeling to be in love to somebody. In a relationship nowadays, it is hard to find someone who loves you and someone whom you love as well. Rarely, I see people in that situation. Some guys would really pursue the girls of their dreams and doesn't care if the girl either love them back or simply like them. I do not say that I know how to tell or when to tell that both are in love with each other or not.

It is a happy feeling to talk to your love one, even a single hi and hello would make you smile. I loved that feeling and I missed that feeling. I do not intend to make a relationship perfect, there will always be something that will most likely test both of you. Definitely hard to be in a water where you have to decide, move on or forget about it.

There are no relationships that are the same. I know for one for I couldn't find any similarity on my past relationship. Although, I am really attracted to give the last relationship I had another chance. I just have so many questions still. I also find myself demand things from him that I know he's not ready to give.

All these can somehow be what you felt. These are what I feel right now. Should I give in and what, eat my pride? Should I just let it be and look for someone else? In all of these things, I have learned to love myself more and even know myself more. I like it when I know that I am becoming more mature person. Although part of that growing is somehow changing my attitudes. I can't seem to find control in choosing my reactions especially when I get to talk to my ex. I am more of a grumpy person that I am a sweet girl to my ex. I'd love to be the same person to him but I don't want to give him the impression that I am willing to go back with him. I also have my pride and part of that pride is to make sure I won't be hurt again. I got to love the person whoever he is, yes I can do that, I simply can't give love if that person doesn't give love to himself as well. If you were the guy, you should be more stronger than the girl. That would include the fact that when you have to decide on something, make a stand and it don't matter if you are wrong or right on that decision you just have to make that stand and don't leave it all up to the power of nature or fate.

If you let "all up to you" phrases to lead your life, there wouldn't be nowhere to go to. There wouldn't be any progress and plus, guys should be strong for the relationship, and the girl should lead a relationship. This is in my opinion, you might want to react on this opinion. But it doesn't stop there, for some of the times it can be vice versa. It all depends on what you both are into. I think this is how things should be because you both love each other. This is how things should be because you both believe in each other and part of that believing is again loving each other.

You don't actually need to change, because if you were true to what you say, it will show through your actions. If you say, you'd say it all from the heart then don't answer back with "all up to you" because it is not from your heart. You'd say that only because you don't want to hurt the other party. You'd say that because you are afraid. You just have to take that risk, I definitely have decided to take that risk but it doesn't seem to be going forward. Giving lines that somehow tells what I wanted to say but it you just can't read what's between the lines because you are too busy thinking "I might hurt her again."

Getting hurt is part of everything. You can't take that out. If you don't want to hurt someone tell the truth. There's nothing wrong with telling the truth. It is a lighter feeling to tell the truth rather than to delay telling the truth. If you want to suspend telling the truth, there are a greater chances the other party would know, and would know the truth from another channel. Relationships is run by both party not by the guy or the girl.

I'm Still Lucky

I have been feeling down lately. There are a couple of reasons why I feel down, I can enumerate them here but for some respect to myself I would like to feel the bottom on my own first. I would personally want to know the why this has to happened kinda stuff. Seeing some kids this morning rushing to the garbage bins to collect plastic bottles was a little bit disappointing because the cab driver almost hit the 9 yr old kid, I think he is still 9 yr old. He's wearing a red shirt and a green baggy shorts. He's not wearing any slippers at all. By his look I can tell, he's wearing that clothes for a month or more now. I definitely can tell also that he needs a bath.

He ran from this corner, crossing the street without looking from his right that the cab I am in is running 20kph. He rushed to this garbage bin, trying so hard to reach the bottom of the bin so he can get more plastic bottles. He is so quick and he just shouted, "Tara na!" (Let's go!). He knows that if he won't be snappy he wouldn't get that much plastic. I can't seem to find his companion.

It was red light, so we stopped and I looked around if I could possibly find his companion. I saw one girl with a dirty white shirt with nothing else on her, approached the cab driver and asked for some coins.

For all these months I thought life was directly hitting hard on me. I lost, I've worked hard and then nothing came for me. I asked myself, "what about those people who have been there for you? They've made you smile, you were happy for once when you were talking to them." I must admit, I am totally having fun when my mind is occupied with a lot of things.

Bottom line is, I have been trying to get rid of pain and I thought working hard is enough to bring my life back again. These kids are not even worried about clothes the next day or what to eat. They don't care if they smell bad. They live life day by day. I'm still lucky and yet I have demands. I want this, I don't like this, I am hurt, I feel hopeless. I don't see all those in the little girls eyes. So I was like, "What the hell happened to you Hunee?" I definitely am sober and yet I have things in life that are so much and I can not simply count them all for I have neglected all of them.

I feel sorry to myself. I got to change. I have to.

Whenever I See Your Smiling Face

Yep! It's a popular song from James Taylor. And it is in connection with my personal happiness.

M called in today. He's the one person making me smile since last April and May and until now. So I hope you like the song too.

Whenever I see your smiling face
I have to smile myself
Because I love you (Yes, I do)
And when you give me that pretty little pout
It turns me inside out
There's something about you, baby (I don't know)

(Chorus)
Isn't it amazing a man like me
Can feel this way
Tell me how much longer
It will grow stronger every day
Oh, how much longer

I thought I was in love
A couple of times before
With the girl next door
But that was long before I met you
Now I'm sure that I won't forget you
And I thank my lucky stars
That you are who you are
And not just another lovely lady
Sent down to break my heart

Isn't it amazing a man like me
Can feel this way
Tell me how much longer
It can grow stronger every day
How much longer

No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong today
Whenever I see you smile at me
No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong today
Whenever I see your smiling face my way
No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong today
No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong today

Boring Life of a Pretentious Lady

Pretending to have this and that would never get you anywhere. Well for some, temporarily they have attained such pedestal but they never stayed there long enough for others to notice them. What do I mean when I say noticed by others is that when you are really that high other people will not forget about you. It don't matter if you've done good or not what matters is when I say your name, others should remember who you are and how you look like.

Living a life of pretending you are someone when you go home and see yourself that you are not is such a big fucking LIE. It is far more better to live to the truth of what you are and what you have than to ever experience the big drop of popularity when one seems to notice and start investigating of who you are really. It'll be the hardest and very painful drop ever in your life.

Happiness is not about getting things in life, it is not about getting what you really want and not about getting all those money. It is more about what you can be to others and how others respond to who you are to you. If by chance you were true and then others won't noticed you today but soon appreciated your honestly as days went on, is the best to have happened to someone who's feet are always on the ground.

It is not easy to get attention and recognition for being honest. It is most likely to be the least of what is being seen by people but it is most likely will lead you to good people and a better life. For if by chance you've lived a lie then it is the worst thing ever and the very difficult thing to ever recover. I am not saying that you can no longer get back to number one, you can but you have to be willing to go through what you have just done. It is difficult to earn the trust back but it will be worth it for you might be earning more friends than ever.

It don't matter what you have, what matter is you're being true. It doesn't matter where you have been or what other changes are there in your life, what matter is that you were happy doing it and that when you go home you would see your self smiling and not thinking of what to lie tomorrow.

When It is Enough

There has been a lot of times when you would just swallow your pride because of different reasons under different circumstances. One can be because you don't see a way out and you thought it was the end of the road, you simply have to go into a small pathway like the needle to be able to get through life's challenges.

When do you say it is enough? Would you rather do it over and over again only because you are into the same situation and you thought it was appropriate?

The obvious thing is that you have been over and over that situation and you did not learn anything from it. You thought life is short and you wanted to live it happy. Then think about this, if you want to live life happy keep your feet grounded. It is not because you have been through life's misery you would now decide to party each night and pretend life blessing would be the same all of your life.

I wish I know how to tell you straightforward and still would not hurt your feelings but dude, grow up. Life is all about you. What you do, what you make out of every minute given to you everyday. If it comes to money, you can always work for it. Don't tell me you can't go to work only because you were not able to finish college. When you were given the chance to go to college did you do well? Did you go to school like you always say you will? Now you're telling me you can't find work. Who's fault is that?

You are actually given another chance now. You can go back to school but of course you're too shy because you're not that young anymore. When you were young did you ever thought of the fact that every morning you are getting older and that you can not just say, I'll just do it tomorrow.

I hope you do get to read this. I wanted to help but you looked at me as if I was making everything worse for you.

Love Won't Lead You Back to Me

It has been 6 months since I last feel this pain in my heart. I thought keeping it in the closet and not digging it up helps but turns out that I am not completely healed by time yet. I have loved him and I still do. There's one thing I have learned so far though, my pain is enormous than the love I have felt for him. This pain is eating me inside out but I was able to contain the pain gradually and now I have never felt happier for my fear to deal with the pain is gone.

I know I always see him online because he's on my Skype list of friends. I have deleted my yahoo account and deleted his name on my Yahoo Messenger list. I don't know exactly how to contact him but I have decided one day to log in to Skype to see how it will all flow. He's there, online, and I said hi. I have noticed there was no anger in my words. I am happy it turned out very well.

Days had passed and I suddenly got a pop out and it was from him asking if we could be friends for life. I didn't know what he meant by that at first but as conversation goes on, he want me back. For a moment there I wanted to go back because I am happy but I can't possibly go back now. I can't be a moron again.

When he dumped me for some stupid idea of claiming others baby as their own just for the sake of getting more money is absurd. It is even more painful to think of what he just told me that he's not going to fight anymore. He said he was an asshole at that time and now that he got his brains back, he want me back. Should I just let it go by me or should I not? I should not. Definitely not. Not because he told me he need me because he love me, I should go back to him. I got my pride. I have a pride that was swallowed because I know he needed some time, but to let 4 months pass by and I have never heard anything from him should be let go? I mean, I waited for months to hear him say, I need you back. He did not even remember my birthday.
There were a lot of lies. I have known that ever since, and no matter how many times I tried to make him tell me the truth he simply don't want to give an answer to my question, in which I just let it be. I love the person but I simply could not go on to this anymore. I am young and smart and I have moved on.