I Don't Know What......

There are many times in life that we asked; What have I done wrong to make me suffer this way?

Once in my life I've asked someone that question. No one could give me answer and I began to feel desperate. Hating everyone on my way. I told myself, "I don't deserve this. This is the only thing that makes me happy. This is what makes me move on." Days gone and months, and I never regain happiness. I blame it to someone else, I blame it to everyone. I think of everyone as against my happiness because they let it happen. Somehow I became bad not just to others but to myself.
Everytime I feel down, especially when my mom died, they just told me God has a plan for everything. I feel bad about it because if God planned it then why would he let me suffer. Why would He take my mother away. I don't know what....to do.

Growing up makes me who I am now. Strong-willed, persistent, patience, and trustworthy. I questioned the One above why, but rather I should have asked myself, by the time you knew she's dead did you tell her bye? Do you know the reason why she went away and unfortunately she died? I never thought of that. When they say God has planned things, then to suffer was a part of it because if I did not suffer then I wouldn't feel that I am human and I will soon die. When I die someone will suffer too. It makes us strong it makes us believe that there is something out there that we need to do and when we are done with that we die.

I was hard to accept it and it takes time to heal. But accepting is one step closer to healing. But acceptance will never happen if we don't recognize the fact that someone else is dying.

I don't know what....but it does makes sense to me. No ending it may be but time will come and I die, and that's the end for me. Love you Teddy