Sick

I am sick
literally

very sunny in the morning
getting dark around 9 am
rain starts to fall at 10 am
goes heavy till the afternoon

I am sick
with politics

they love Obama
I don't know Obama
Bush endorses McCain
Who is he?

I am sick
with life

no matter how hard you do
someone still pulling you down
it don't even matter to them
they'll say, Who the f**k are you?

I am sick
with dreaming

it always make me weak
maybe because it shows me what I want
but it never happens
and I'm so sick of that

I am sick
with loving

you give
but no one appreciate it.
you share
but one will get jealous

I am sick
literally

Dreaming

And so the dreams are just dreams
And so the dreams are hopes
And so hopes are just dreams
And so hopes and dreams resides where?

And so we can't make dreams come true?
And so dreams coming true are luck
And so luck are for some people
And so luck are not for everyone

And so are we unlucky?
And so some lucky people can no longer be reached
And so the unlucky ones are struggling to be like the lucky ones
And so the lucky ones are calling us fools

And so we are just dreaming
And so we are just hoping
And so dreaming
And so hoping

Random Thoughts....

I feel alive again....
I would like to..
Do I have to ask?
Is it gonna be a yes?
Or should I wait for *** to ask...
** said it's easier to ask now...
Do I have to wait?
Is it gonna be right to be involve again after the heartache?
Do I have to care about the past?
It is the past so I dumped it..

The battle of my heart and mind
increasing heart's beat to vanish doubting thoughts
struggling what should be done first
can't move, would want to move

sunshine it is
but there's sunset
and so the body rest for awhile
but the heart keeps on beating
while the mind is at rest

I am happy but am still afraid to ask
should I ask or should I give it awhile...
breaking the heart is easy
but giving the heart again is hard

would you dance with me?
or should I say it relentlessly..
and honestly

Maybe later
Not now for sure
later is better..

who should I choose?
that one
this one
or the another one

can't make up yet
I like this one
I like that one too
not the other one for **'s no longer free

this one is vocal
that one is not even sure what **'s feelings are
should I follow my heart?
or I should give time?
for I need time as well..

Precious Friendship

Me and my college buddies never get tired of talking again and again the foolishness during college days.

If we do hang out together, we will probably stay at a coffee shop or someplace to eat and just talk.






I hope the group will last for a lifetime.

Gratitude

My cousin, Achi Michelle, posted her very own words about gratitude. Now, here's what I say about gratitude.

Often people, when faced with too much luck, they talk about gratitude to almost everyone who has helped them for it truly made them better. Then stop saying thank you after a while, I must say they have said it why would you have to say it again.

Gratitude does not end with saying thank you. It does not end by merely saying it out loud but with how you will react it after saying thank you. It is easier said than done. Amazing it is to see one saying thank you after helping him and then turns his back on you and after a day or two that person does not even know what you have done to him.

I would like to say thank you to the following:

1. God
2. Mom
3. Dad
4. Siblings
5. Mamu
6. Cousins
7. Friends (Gaburongza, Boink, Chat, Daisy, Mitch)
8. New found friends online (Shawn, Jesse, Amanda)

Bless the Broken Road

My twitter buddy, @jesatiu, gave me this song.



Apparently, it made me cry. Indeed God bless the broken road, but right now, with what has been done, northern star no longer leads me back to you. Northern star might have someone else for me and I am quite excited to see that. I'm all open arms now. I welcome anybody who would boldly would ask me to dance.

I like that beat of the heart when you don't know what's next to one thing but you are sure this and that will happen only because you have seen it in the eyes of that person. Of course, you would know if he don't like you.

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars

This is the part that I like for it is not just applicable to any broken hearted but it is actually for anything that you feel right now. You wouldn't be happy now if you were not sad yesterday. Or you wouldn't be who you are now if nobody stooped you down before. Or you wouldn't be stronger now if you weren't dumped yesterday.

It simply says, there is far more better man for me. Could it be you? (hmmmm.....)

Ponkans from Jim

Ponkans, ponkans, ponkans

Don't want to eat them just stare at them.

Thanks Doc for the pictures.

This is Dr. Jim Haw. Picture taken at Basti's Brew

5 Things I have Learned about Love

It is that time of the year where LOVE is the main subject thus giving people smiles and blushes the whole day. Long kisses and sex later at night. Yes, it is Valentine's Day, the day of love for the whole world.

How many times have you fallen in and out of love? For me, I have fallen a couple of times. Fallen out of love a couple times as well. Reading a lot of fairy tales made me think of what an ideal man for me. But I was hurt by my past experience, it got me to thinking that loving someone or giving love to someone aren't taught in books or any thing that is written but they are found by really letting yourself fall in love and fall out of love and be hurt.

I am pretty sure you will not agree with me and you could say your mother knows better, but the nuggets of these learnings are taken from the act of an individual to be involve, in love, with another person.

Here are some things I personally learned from falling in love.

1. Always communicate. Never miss a day without telling the person you love what you feel about him or her. Take the initiative to get the ball rolling.

2. Negative thoughts about him or her always brings your relationship down. It is natural for a person to react but contain your emotions. It is a better way to start talking.

3. Enjoy each others company. If you don't enjoy the moments that you are together, it will be a boring relationship.

4. Money brings happiness so does it creates a big problem. Learn to share. Do pay some of the expenses especially when you are watching movies.

5. Kiss and saying I love you. If you don't love the person then why do want to get near him or her? Why do you always call him or her? Why do you want to his or her company?

I know it hurts a lot when you tried your best and broke up in the end. It is better to have loved than not to have loved at all.

They've asked me, "Why do you smile always?"

In the first 15 years of my life, I am the snob type of person. I thought my family is ok and we are surviving even more than the average family that lived in this small country. Contrary to my beliefs, my parents are both working for my future as well as three other siblings in my family. I was enrolled to a private school in my grade school years and in a all girls school in high school years. Being in the crowd of people who's family really deserve to be called rich, I consider my family as one of them. But my family is better for Dad will be home during dinner and Mom would make breakfast and dinner for all of us. We would be all seated on the table when 7am or 7pm strikes. No one explained to me the real situation, maybe because I am still young. I will soon be graduating in high school when I found out that life was the other side of the coin. Both parents worked hard because they got to be and to be able to feed us all four.

When Mom decided to work abroad, leaving me, the eldest to lead and start doing what she has been doing as a mother. Few months after, she died. I woke up from the truth. And I've realized that it is not too late for me to win the game of life.

I was once knocked down but I will try not to be knocked down again. I will try to discover what the other side of life has for me. I live my life like a coin. I maybe seeing one side of the coin, but I would not like to pass on what the other side of the coin has for me. It can be good or bad but I know, neither of them sides are all bad or good. I maybe in a bad situation now, that only means the other side is good so it gives me a chance to make better my situation and that gives me smiles on my face.

They've asked me, "Why do you smile always?"

I said, " I smile always because if I would let myself frown it only means I'm defeated." Life, like they always say it, is a challenge. And challenges are battles to win. Smiling is actually one way of intimidating life.

Smile tho' your heart is aching,
Smile even tho' it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by,

If you smile
thro' your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shin-ing thro' for you

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev-'ry trace of sadness,
Al -'tho a tear may be ever so near,

That's the time,
You must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worth-while,

If you just smile...