I am Princess

When I first attended school, everyone call me by my name Princess which I don't like because everyone think I have a lot of money. Maybe because we were young back then and so innocent that we thought we are named according to what we have in life.

Then comes high school. Memories, my friends, all girls school, giggles, shouting and many more. And I still hate being called by my first name, Princess.

Life at Ateneo was so much fun. No one will call me Princess, they call me Hunee. It was spelled as "Honey" but because I have classmates who are guys so I am often confronted by their girlfriends, which is funny and I will never forget those moments, so I changed the spelling to Hunee.

I'm tracking my high school classmates on Facebook and at first they don't know I am Hunee now. So what I did was track down my close friends first. I was able to add the best teacher, Mrs. Adriano. She likes calling me Princess.

I used to think life back then was hard. I didn't get to give myself a chance to even see how beautiful it is and the memories. I love it!

Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!

I can't think of any title for this post. I couldn't believe I've been quiet for so long. I haven't wrote anything in the past months. Gosh! I miss this.

Like I always said, blogging is one way of expressing myself, what I feel, what I think about this and that. I am so not into social web past months. I have been very busy plus there were trips outside the country.

The first trip was for fun. Trip was all about spending time with friends. Friends back at the university. Everyone else was busy with these and that and getting out of the country was one way to get me and friends really spend hours talking, walking, eating together and etc...

Then I decided to quit on my job. I got this new job and moved out of Davao, went to Manila, now in Sucat, Paranaque doing medical billing. Like I always expected. Getting yourself into something new is never easy. This was my thought when I first got this job offer in February. I know that I am used to things within MTC and now if I will accept the offer, I will definitely have to start from the beginning.

Life goes on. Life is never easy. I'm happy though. Keep smiling.

Working Holidays

I miss this part of me. I miss writing relentlessly not minding my grammar and I just want to blurt it out like I used to. I do not care if you get to understand everything or you don't.

I thought I was lucky to get this deal. Change that, I am happy to get that deal but not to the extent that I am gonna be working for the holidays. Or should I consider that it is part of that deal? So alright, I was just not ready to change my sleeping habits to something like a vampire or creature of the night.

I got myself into this so I would to stay and endure it. Even if I was told put my hands off the project, I can not turn my back on it. I need this done and I will be part of it even if I don't do it 100% because some people placed their trust on my leadership.

Great! Life sucks and who wouldn't know it doesn't. Surprises and surprises...and I am pretty sure there's more to come.

The Leader in Me

There has been many times that my pride was hurt. I have principles in life that I stick through so I can survive. It is not new to me to change those principles because I believe everyday this world is growing.

No matter how many times I wanted to take the right path, there are times that I question my principles because somehow, at the back of my mind I am thinking, I needed to be the first. I can not forever be letting others be ahead of me.

The human nature to be greedy and selfish. I do not deny that because even it is just in my head, I am still being greedy. Somehow this thing in my head just comes out through my actions. I do not intend to be it like that but I have to decide to be greedy sometimes in order to know that I am wrong. And all these times, I have to act it so I can be reprimanded and then I would get the chance to realize and recall all over. That way I can be better. But I am sorry if I have hurted you.

As much as I wanted to earn big bucks, I do not want to earn it while bringing others down. It is not my style and I am raised to live with my values. I do appreciate the honesty and I am sad that you told me this when everything else is getting better. I get to help you find your client and then my world just drop for 48 hours because you felt like I am competing with your business. Professionaly, I do know when to stop especially after putting myself into your shoes. It is not on my list to bring someone down and bring myself up. It is a smart thing to do but, again, I have my values. So do not feel threatened or what because I am not going to be the person to bring you down. Never

Christmas Wishlist

It is Christmas time once again. I have listed the things I wanted to have this Christmas or at least get them all next year.

1. Nikon D80
2. Laptop (No preference)
3. Client for transcription work (legal, medical, general or business transcriptions)
4. Move to a new apartment.
5. Open another bank account (that means I have the initial deposit for this account)
6. One pair of shoes
7. Pants
8. 5 new blouses
9. Passed the exams for my training (out of the country kind of training)
10. Me to find my guy (awwwww!)

As much as I want to have them all, I know I cannot but I'm hoping I can have them all in few months time or something like that.

My Bling Bling

I spent too much for some people and I do not get to spend even for myself. I do not like that attitude but sad to say that attitude is my attitude. The good thing about it though is I do not get to spend my money for other people but only my family. I do deserve to buy my own stuff too with the money I am earning from work.

This is mine!!!

I Support @MailOurMilitary

I support any organization that has a heart. I support everyone's main objectives are not for himself alone. I give support not because they are like my color. I give support not because I was forced to. I give support not because I was paid to do it.

I've Lost that Touch

As much as I hate to admit this but I have lost that touch of writing daily. There are a lot of reasons. Writing them down here would probably make me write a book as well of my so called balck and white life.

Life is supposed to be a journey. It is not a destination and it is not something to achieved at the end of it. In life, there can be sorrow there can be happiness. Why do I say this because I see life as a success. It is one thing that only you is driving and leading and in every little decisions that you've made a little of it will affect the lives of the common but with great affect to the people close to you or are part somehow of that big decision.

In everyday I try to disregard sorrow and try not to bring it with me for every sorrow is twice as heavy as happiness and mostly you can find it along the way. Unlike happiness, either I have to worked hard for it so that it will turn some event great and memorable and I can say made me smile and others who are on that event smile as well.

One thing why I write before is that it is my only way to communicate. Along the process, I've bumped into the idea that I might earn something from it. It's a long shot kind of earning so I still tried. On that writing was a full part of my life, my love, my family, my friends, my work and so on. And because I write things from the heart so I somehow manage people to like and comment on my posts.

I love reading again and again whatever I've posted. I love the feeling that I was able to say it and nonetheless I may have insulted someone or have hurt someone, I still get the feeling like, "Oh, Yes! I've said it." With series of not so good things happened I somehow detracted and when I read it back again, I told myself, "this is not how I write before."

I do not regret losing that touch though. I know there would be something more or something else in exchange of losing my old style of writing. My hours have to divided to number of tasks to be done in a day not including the little misunderstanding stuffs that I am into right now. I can definitely say I am beginning to be someone else better, bigger, and brighter.

I may have lost one thing but it will not stop me to go on and be someone again even if I would have to start from the beginning.

I'm Still Lucky

I have been feeling down lately. There are a couple of reasons why I feel down, I can enumerate them here but for some respect to myself I would like to feel the bottom on my own first. I would personally want to know the why this has to happened kinda stuff. Seeing some kids this morning rushing to the garbage bins to collect plastic bottles was a little bit disappointing because the cab driver almost hit the 9 yr old kid, I think he is still 9 yr old. He's wearing a red shirt and a green baggy shorts. He's not wearing any slippers at all. By his look I can tell, he's wearing that clothes for a month or more now. I definitely can tell also that he needs a bath.

He ran from this corner, crossing the street without looking from his right that the cab I am in is running 20kph. He rushed to this garbage bin, trying so hard to reach the bottom of the bin so he can get more plastic bottles. He is so quick and he just shouted, "Tara na!" (Let's go!). He knows that if he won't be snappy he wouldn't get that much plastic. I can't seem to find his companion.

It was red light, so we stopped and I looked around if I could possibly find his companion. I saw one girl with a dirty white shirt with nothing else on her, approached the cab driver and asked for some coins.

For all these months I thought life was directly hitting hard on me. I lost, I've worked hard and then nothing came for me. I asked myself, "what about those people who have been there for you? They've made you smile, you were happy for once when you were talking to them." I must admit, I am totally having fun when my mind is occupied with a lot of things.

Bottom line is, I have been trying to get rid of pain and I thought working hard is enough to bring my life back again. These kids are not even worried about clothes the next day or what to eat. They don't care if they smell bad. They live life day by day. I'm still lucky and yet I have demands. I want this, I don't like this, I am hurt, I feel hopeless. I don't see all those in the little girls eyes. So I was like, "What the hell happened to you Hunee?" I definitely am sober and yet I have things in life that are so much and I can not simply count them all for I have neglected all of them.

I feel sorry to myself. I got to change. I have to.

When It is Enough

There has been a lot of times when you would just swallow your pride because of different reasons under different circumstances. One can be because you don't see a way out and you thought it was the end of the road, you simply have to go into a small pathway like the needle to be able to get through life's challenges.

When do you say it is enough? Would you rather do it over and over again only because you are into the same situation and you thought it was appropriate?

The obvious thing is that you have been over and over that situation and you did not learn anything from it. You thought life is short and you wanted to live it happy. Then think about this, if you want to live life happy keep your feet grounded. It is not because you have been through life's misery you would now decide to party each night and pretend life blessing would be the same all of your life.

I wish I know how to tell you straightforward and still would not hurt your feelings but dude, grow up. Life is all about you. What you do, what you make out of every minute given to you everyday. If it comes to money, you can always work for it. Don't tell me you can't go to work only because you were not able to finish college. When you were given the chance to go to college did you do well? Did you go to school like you always say you will? Now you're telling me you can't find work. Who's fault is that?

You are actually given another chance now. You can go back to school but of course you're too shy because you're not that young anymore. When you were young did you ever thought of the fact that every morning you are getting older and that you can not just say, I'll just do it tomorrow.

I hope you do get to read this. I wanted to help but you looked at me as if I was making everything worse for you.

Love Won't Lead You Back to Me

It has been 6 months since I last feel this pain in my heart. I thought keeping it in the closet and not digging it up helps but turns out that I am not completely healed by time yet. I have loved him and I still do. There's one thing I have learned so far though, my pain is enormous than the love I have felt for him. This pain is eating me inside out but I was able to contain the pain gradually and now I have never felt happier for my fear to deal with the pain is gone.

I know I always see him online because he's on my Skype list of friends. I have deleted my yahoo account and deleted his name on my Yahoo Messenger list. I don't know exactly how to contact him but I have decided one day to log in to Skype to see how it will all flow. He's there, online, and I said hi. I have noticed there was no anger in my words. I am happy it turned out very well.

Days had passed and I suddenly got a pop out and it was from him asking if we could be friends for life. I didn't know what he meant by that at first but as conversation goes on, he want me back. For a moment there I wanted to go back because I am happy but I can't possibly go back now. I can't be a moron again.

When he dumped me for some stupid idea of claiming others baby as their own just for the sake of getting more money is absurd. It is even more painful to think of what he just told me that he's not going to fight anymore. He said he was an asshole at that time and now that he got his brains back, he want me back. Should I just let it go by me or should I not? I should not. Definitely not. Not because he told me he need me because he love me, I should go back to him. I got my pride. I have a pride that was swallowed because I know he needed some time, but to let 4 months pass by and I have never heard anything from him should be let go? I mean, I waited for months to hear him say, I need you back. He did not even remember my birthday.
There were a lot of lies. I have known that ever since, and no matter how many times I tried to make him tell me the truth he simply don't want to give an answer to my question, in which I just let it be. I love the person but I simply could not go on to this anymore. I am young and smart and I have moved on.

Black and White

Black and white in me.....

More of Me

Just sharing some pics of me.

Promises are not Made to be Broken

I have been recruiting transcriptionist to do some outsourced work for me since I can not do it all on my own. The agreement was just verbal since they were a graduate of the school I am working with. Doing transcription jobs is part time for me. I don't do medical transcriptions because according Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 ( HIPAA 1996), recorded medical files are confidential and it requires a thorough editing and proofreading job. For some, they do it as a stay-at-home job but still I would like the quality over quantity. It doesn't matter if it pays a lot more than general or business transcriptions, what matter is I am able to deliver a quality service to the client.

Again, going back to the agreement made last week, I was happy to know that I got eight files and I only need 3-4 transcriptionists that can type fast, has a computer and internet at home and the attitude that once they accepted the agreement they would do their part of the deal. It turned out to be the other way around. I was left doing all the eight files and now I have another 7 files to finish until tomorrow.

I know we did not sign any papers on this. Trust doesn't have to begin with signing a paper, it starts with the word, YES.

I have been giving too much and I'd like to give something to myself but I don't want to spend money from my wallet. For 5 times, I tried to click the Flickr Pro Account Purchase but I always cancel in the end. Since I like to have lots of pics posted since I am getting that camera I always wanted, would you like to pay for my Flickr Pro Account?

This is silly but I just want to let this thought out loud. Not really wanting to beg but if you would want to give, why the hell not.

Consider this as a rant to myself for I've neglected myself too much and I am supposed to love me or even have that little bit of crush for myself now.

Consider this post as another hit to my face. This is another wake up call. I have to give something to myself.

Word of Honor

Recently, I received an email from someone in India. His name is Aditya and this is his email to me.

Hi,

Do you remember me?

I had asked for your address to send you a birthday card from India? (aditya@aditto.info)

Well, I have been reading your blog. I am adding it to my favorite blogs... http://aditto.wordpress.com

I love to read your blog and it reflects a good intellect and a very deep understanding of life in and around yourself.

Keep writing.
Best wishes.
Aditya.

Thank you so much for the kind words. I never intend to write to get appreciation but I only intend to say what I want to say. It all started with one comment someone told me. He said, "This girl doesn't know what the internet is all about. Let's see what this stalker will give us in the future."

I was called a stalker by a person who's surname was Ross. I didn't like the way he talked about me because he made me a campus online buzz. As much as I want the attention because I was just a new blogger at that time, I didn't like the way it all started. I don't want to be following someone or stalking someone. I am Asian and I am proud of that but the mere fact that they think I am a stalker and because I am an Asian doesn't give him the right to talk that way. In every word that I write on this blog are words that are carefully chosen so that I can avoid any racist act or anything that can hurt ones feelings towards what I call freedom of speech.

I got furious but I don't want to stoop down to their level and argue with them. I stopped. I don't want to fight about it because in their mind, I was only a typical Asian girl who has something to say but who cares. Nobody cares what my thoughts are and what I say about life. I stood up to that decision and in a year, I've opened up, met new people online. I was trying to understand their culture and their beliefs. I was trying to make them understand my side as well. Some accepted who I am and what I stand. Others retracted because I was a waste of time.

What I strongly believe is that my life is the result to how others look at me, and how others look at me is a result of what I am to them, as what they've known who I am and where I come from. The only people that knows me best is myself, my friends and my family. What other people know me less are the ones who look at where I come from, a general judgment.

My posts, my articles, my sentences, my phrases, and my words sums up to who I am.

Wicked Agenda

I am disappointed that some people are using me to go up of the ladder. I worked hard to get to where I am, and the only thing that is so precious to me right now is me credibility to others who know me.

What I do at work is entirely the same with what I do when I am not at work. I live a life both online and offline. What I am offline is the same as to who I am online. I don't want to hide anything for I'd like to start wandering as a nomad as the person whom I introduced to the common public, may it be online or offline.

I have this huge dream board. The dream board was set aside when I am disappointed but I would hurry back and put it in front of me again, especially when I am sleeping and waking up, I have to see that dream board. With that dream board, I was able to come up with a blog title, "Wandering Nomad" It is redundant but I like the way it sound plus I can be going to this place again and again so I think it is okay to use that title. I only love to travel. That's my agenda. I am aware that some people's agenda are not the same with my agenda. They might not know it but somehow a good agenda can in turn be a bad or wicked agenda, or I might not know it that to others my agenda is a wicked agenda. But how do you make an agenda a good agenda? It is a simple answer, be true to what you just told your listeners.

I tell my readers that this blog tells who I am. When I speak at a large crowd, I tell them who I am. No more, no less. I don't have to use other people's name to get to where I am now. Before, some laugh at me because somehow my posts sucks. I am aware of that but I won't get to be a good writer in the future if I don't write bad posts today. Annoying it may be, but some readers are into reading just to find faults from the doings of another. Some writers are into writing because they wanna be talking about another person and hide their faces so they won't be hunted. Sad but true, and I respect that for they want it that way. I am not born to be a clone for another but I am born to be a catalyst to another.

This personal blog contains my thoughts, my work, my life, my love, my rant, and other stuff that I love to do and admire. You can disregard it. There may be two or three reasons why you don't like it. I know one, you simply don't like it because your ego got hurt. You simply could not deny that you were using me to your wicked agenda. On the contrary, I like the attention though.

I Had a Dream

It was totally nothing at all. It was just for fun and I didn't expect to be treated like this. Now, I feel guilty because I never started this with enthusiasm nor hope this can bring me something later. I just let it all go with the flow and now I am greatly impressed by how things are turning out to be. The unusual dream for me. My ever relentless dream of becoming someone and be accepted with delight and much eagerness to at least hear my thoughts. I continue to ponder if this is all true, don't want to at least consider this as the adventure to the unknown but somehow I can't seem not to think that this might be another dream and it is not unusual.

How do you ever define the unusual from the usual or ordinary dream?

Why do some people like to stick to old school and don't want to welcome what's new and embraced reality that this is life. It is supposed to change and we are supposed to adapt. And so because you decided not to adapt and ask me why, do expect that I will tell you the hard truth.