Aftermath of Quitting

I am so afraid of quitting. Normally I would like to do something for a long time but when I am finally doing and enjoying, at one point in time I just do not want to continue doing it. Inside me is a battle of whether or not to move to the next level or should I say.

After so many times of feeling down after another is like a roller coaster ride that never end. I started to view the other side of my coin, appreciating what today has for me and stop worrying about my future and lingering on my past. What makes it even worse is living everyday moving forward because you do not have any other choice after quitting.

The idea of moving on is somehow easy to think but really hard to do. Even if you tell yourself everyday that you got the best foot forward and you are going to be just alright, the other foot seems like nailed on that ground that it does not want to let go.

I got to be strong. I got to be awakened. It just got to be. (Inhale, Exhale)

I Want You Back

It is always a great feeling to be in love to somebody. In a relationship nowadays, it is hard to find someone who loves you and someone whom you love as well. Rarely, I see people in that situation. Some guys would really pursue the girls of their dreams and doesn't care if the girl either love them back or simply like them. I do not say that I know how to tell or when to tell that both are in love with each other or not.

It is a happy feeling to talk to your love one, even a single hi and hello would make you smile. I loved that feeling and I missed that feeling. I do not intend to make a relationship perfect, there will always be something that will most likely test both of you. Definitely hard to be in a water where you have to decide, move on or forget about it.

There are no relationships that are the same. I know for one for I couldn't find any similarity on my past relationship. Although, I am really attracted to give the last relationship I had another chance. I just have so many questions still. I also find myself demand things from him that I know he's not ready to give.

All these can somehow be what you felt. These are what I feel right now. Should I give in and what, eat my pride? Should I just let it be and look for someone else? In all of these things, I have learned to love myself more and even know myself more. I like it when I know that I am becoming more mature person. Although part of that growing is somehow changing my attitudes. I can't seem to find control in choosing my reactions especially when I get to talk to my ex. I am more of a grumpy person that I am a sweet girl to my ex. I'd love to be the same person to him but I don't want to give him the impression that I am willing to go back with him. I also have my pride and part of that pride is to make sure I won't be hurt again. I got to love the person whoever he is, yes I can do that, I simply can't give love if that person doesn't give love to himself as well. If you were the guy, you should be more stronger than the girl. That would include the fact that when you have to decide on something, make a stand and it don't matter if you are wrong or right on that decision you just have to make that stand and don't leave it all up to the power of nature or fate.

If you let "all up to you" phrases to lead your life, there wouldn't be nowhere to go to. There wouldn't be any progress and plus, guys should be strong for the relationship, and the girl should lead a relationship. This is in my opinion, you might want to react on this opinion. But it doesn't stop there, for some of the times it can be vice versa. It all depends on what you both are into. I think this is how things should be because you both love each other. This is how things should be because you both believe in each other and part of that believing is again loving each other.

You don't actually need to change, because if you were true to what you say, it will show through your actions. If you say, you'd say it all from the heart then don't answer back with "all up to you" because it is not from your heart. You'd say that only because you don't want to hurt the other party. You'd say that because you are afraid. You just have to take that risk, I definitely have decided to take that risk but it doesn't seem to be going forward. Giving lines that somehow tells what I wanted to say but it you just can't read what's between the lines because you are too busy thinking "I might hurt her again."

Getting hurt is part of everything. You can't take that out. If you don't want to hurt someone tell the truth. There's nothing wrong with telling the truth. It is a lighter feeling to tell the truth rather than to delay telling the truth. If you want to suspend telling the truth, there are a greater chances the other party would know, and would know the truth from another channel. Relationships is run by both party not by the guy or the girl.

I Miss You... I do

If I were to base everything from what this feeling tells me and not of what you've done to me, I would probably say I miss you and I do love you. I don't blame the whole thing to you if that's what you are trying to ask me ever since we started talking again. I know I've done something as well that somehow created the spark to bid each other goodbyes, so it's absurd to ever think it was all your fault.

Since that we are constantly talking to each other again, although we basically started online and we end it all up online too, seeing you again in person would be harmless but somehow I wouldn't deny the eagerness to hug you. No doubt, there are some other things running through my head like we were supposed to get married this year, and we are both aware that the relationship has risen up to another level. A mature people agreed in actions and in words that this is gonna be it, talking relentlessly and without limits whatever this mind and mouth can think and say about. You know what I mean when I say this, but again if I go back to reality, seeing you again would somehow bring me back to those talks of sweetness and passion. I do not guarantee I would keep my distance away from you for I've yearned for your embrace as well but we both know that before the embrace would happen, we've both decided to end the line or cut the thread of what we call love.

Those lovely thoughts and feelings are all gonna be lined up in the memory lane and with the plans to get old together are somehow glimpse that in life, we will be in someone else's arms. If tide would be change and global warming would decrease, these hurting hearts and burning emotions of anger would subside and maybe, and maybe we might go back to each others arms.

For know, I couldn't answer that. I don't know if I am ready or I don't know if the love will cover all the hurt I have felt when you left and when you've kept things from me. In which, I totally believe as a lie.

Love Won't Lead You Back to Me

It has been 6 months since I last feel this pain in my heart. I thought keeping it in the closet and not digging it up helps but turns out that I am not completely healed by time yet. I have loved him and I still do. There's one thing I have learned so far though, my pain is enormous than the love I have felt for him. This pain is eating me inside out but I was able to contain the pain gradually and now I have never felt happier for my fear to deal with the pain is gone.

I know I always see him online because he's on my Skype list of friends. I have deleted my yahoo account and deleted his name on my Yahoo Messenger list. I don't know exactly how to contact him but I have decided one day to log in to Skype to see how it will all flow. He's there, online, and I said hi. I have noticed there was no anger in my words. I am happy it turned out very well.

Days had passed and I suddenly got a pop out and it was from him asking if we could be friends for life. I didn't know what he meant by that at first but as conversation goes on, he want me back. For a moment there I wanted to go back because I am happy but I can't possibly go back now. I can't be a moron again.

When he dumped me for some stupid idea of claiming others baby as their own just for the sake of getting more money is absurd. It is even more painful to think of what he just told me that he's not going to fight anymore. He said he was an asshole at that time and now that he got his brains back, he want me back. Should I just let it go by me or should I not? I should not. Definitely not. Not because he told me he need me because he love me, I should go back to him. I got my pride. I have a pride that was swallowed because I know he needed some time, but to let 4 months pass by and I have never heard anything from him should be let go? I mean, I waited for months to hear him say, I need you back. He did not even remember my birthday.
There were a lot of lies. I have known that ever since, and no matter how many times I tried to make him tell me the truth he simply don't want to give an answer to my question, in which I just let it be. I love the person but I simply could not go on to this anymore. I am young and smart and I have moved on.

Dear Eddie,

Hi! Hope you are having a great day. I am writing this to you because I don't think I can go on with hiding anymore. I greatly appreciated the proposal and you are so sweet but it's not right. No matter how many times I tried to let it sink in my mind and in my heart that loving you back is right. The more I spend time with you, the more I am burying myself to pain that I know I couldn't not pull myself out when I have to. It has to stop. The only person who can stop this is me.

Goodbye, Eddie. See you around.

People I Care For Online

Devyl Gyrl: @Hunee .....awwww *huggles* You KnOW I love you. Even when you are bratty or you don't do what you should (take care of yourself!). You're always my sweet Twitterdaughter, and one of my dearest friends. *big hugs* Love you :) LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU *giggles*

Jesse aka jesatiu aka Jesse Loop: no songs nor writings nor comments can ever truly exactly state just how wonderfully open and honestly you share your emotions of love for life on the planet.
You truly are one of those remarkable and exceptional people who walk the earth in the mold of the force of creation, a force borne of love and inspiration for living, for life.
wear your smile-the world needs it, always.

Jack Lhasa: @Hunee don't know what I'd do without you sis! My sister(@Hunee) is probably in the process of getting me into trouble.

Optimistic View of Life

I'm not gonna pretend that I know everything but things are happening because this is what I think about how it's going to happen for real. Honestly, I don't do this exercise frequently, I just know that it will because I do believe in myself too much. Sometimes, I detract myself from others for they think of me as insane.

The real thing, I pretty agree with the insane Hunee. In most occasion, I do not like what others are doing but then again I do respect what they think and do for their life. If I continue on to think that it's gonna be a big deal what others think of me, I might grow into frustration and depression and may try to make them think of me the way I want them to be.

My life's joy is more important to me as to what I want in life and how I want to achieve that. First, I would like to have a Macbook. I know I am dreaming, but it wouldn't be that unreasonable to have one. I certainly lack the money for it but I do feel I can get one Macbook later. You can disagree with my thoughts, by the way, you are free to do that. I can not hold you on to what you are thinking. I absolutely think, it is a nice way to relax and refresh my mind through this kind of conversation.

Every day, I feel good. I feel great, actually. I am happy for the mornings. It may be gloomy or sunny or hot at mid day, I don't really mind the heat as long as I have something to wear to cover me. I don't think my optimism is a product of other people or what had happened to me early in the morning, it is more of my choice and that choice simply comes from my heart that I want to be smiling today.

People that I haven't met tells me that I have a big heart. My optimism is infectious, and I am adorable. It is really nice to know that I did that to them. I don't really want to talk about how others think of me, I just won't let that ruin my post today. I am not trying to get them to fell in love with my simple hugs and kisses but I just want them to feel good about themselves too. I think it is the best way to start and end a day with a smile and light feeling in your heart. I think it is more healthy. I think it is more rewarding if it really come from you. Although, the people that I am talking to everyday still have the choice to reject what I am trying to inject to them.

My day will end soon. Another post of optimism tomorrow.

Quotes on Love

"I think God brought together two people from the opposite sides of the world from two completely different cultures, two different ways of life, two different languages, he blessed it, and he put us together, gave us a love that's strong and let us be happy."

— Robert, a U.S. Army soldier who married an Iraqi woman named Vivian

Loving is not about race, age, physical looks and etc. Loving someone is completely accepting each others looks, habit (good or bad) and I guess all of the above.

I see trees of green........ red roses too
I see em bloom..... for me and for you
And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world

Why are women so sensitive?

A lot of guys have asked this question several times. There had been cases of break ups because of women being over sensitive. I'll say that again, over sensitive.

Guys, us girls, are not sensitive. Oh yeah, I can hear some reactions now.

Here are some that may help you.

Girls love to be appreciated all the time. Gifts are good but you have to give it little extra added affection in giving it. A doctor friend of mine said, girls experience mood swings which is part of being a girl because girls have the menstrual cycle. Frequent mood swings are symptoms of menopause so I hope your special girl is not in her menopausal stage.

Guy came in greeted his woman, "Hey! Honey. How's your day?". Either she just look at you or she said, "I'm not in the mood." You can ask her what happened and if she insist on not to talk about it then don't ask further questions. Don't say anything just stay beside her. If she's reading a book then read a book as well. Watching TV then watch TV with her, even if you don' t like Desperate Housewives or whatever that is. Slowly, she'll get near you and cuddle with you or she'll ask you questions that starts with, WHY. You can answer some questions though or just listen to her but never argue with what she's telling you. You can say "Maybe...(followed by what you would want to say)" after she took that deep breath and tone down her voice.

Guys, just let your girls be mad at you sometimes. It does not mean the end of the relationship. Girls, don't go too far with your sensitivity. You may lose your man if you are over sensitive.

One thing I would like to add though, don't end the night without talking about it.

Precious Friendship

Me and my college buddies never get tired of talking again and again the foolishness during college days.

If we do hang out together, we will probably stay at a coffee shop or someplace to eat and just talk.






I hope the group will last for a lifetime.

5 Things I have Learned about Love

It is that time of the year where LOVE is the main subject thus giving people smiles and blushes the whole day. Long kisses and sex later at night. Yes, it is Valentine's Day, the day of love for the whole world.

How many times have you fallen in and out of love? For me, I have fallen a couple of times. Fallen out of love a couple times as well. Reading a lot of fairy tales made me think of what an ideal man for me. But I was hurt by my past experience, it got me to thinking that loving someone or giving love to someone aren't taught in books or any thing that is written but they are found by really letting yourself fall in love and fall out of love and be hurt.

I am pretty sure you will not agree with me and you could say your mother knows better, but the nuggets of these learnings are taken from the act of an individual to be involve, in love, with another person.

Here are some things I personally learned from falling in love.

1. Always communicate. Never miss a day without telling the person you love what you feel about him or her. Take the initiative to get the ball rolling.

2. Negative thoughts about him or her always brings your relationship down. It is natural for a person to react but contain your emotions. It is a better way to start talking.

3. Enjoy each others company. If you don't enjoy the moments that you are together, it will be a boring relationship.

4. Money brings happiness so does it creates a big problem. Learn to share. Do pay some of the expenses especially when you are watching movies.

5. Kiss and saying I love you. If you don't love the person then why do want to get near him or her? Why do you always call him or her? Why do you want to his or her company?

I know it hurts a lot when you tried your best and broke up in the end. It is better to have loved than not to have loved at all.

Epilogue: The Different Kind of Love Story

February is always associated with loving couple cuddling each other endlessly and wishing the night of February 14 would never end.

Leaders love their followers is another kind of love story. The employer loves her employees because the company sales is going up and this is another kind of love story. One thing I know is that the difference between playing to win and playing not to lose is the difference between success and mediocrity.

A leader can be successful if he has made the right change and thus get the smaller part of credits, but if things didn't worked out, would get the greater part of blame. Also goes the same way for the employers.

The love story that I am talking about here is the love story between you and your inner being. The main point is, you can not love someone unless you love yourself first. Neither a leader can be a leader when he or she is not leading himself or herself.

Let us start giving to ourself first before we start giving to others. And before February 14 comes, give yourself a break and share something to yourself too.

Tragic February Valentine Story

I have been mad about what happened to my love life. There is no greater sorrow for this husband his wife died in his arms during the Greek song that means "Love Me" is playing.

Kim Sjostrom died of heart disease.

For me it was like any other celebrity weddings but not based on how expensive the wedding is but how the wedding had became a project at Davie Elementary School, where Sjostrom taught first grade. Friends provided the wedding gown, the flowers and decorations.

Isn't it sweet when your love ones and friends are there to help you with the wedding. Not just helping but providing you with some of the wedding things you needed.

The couple where dancing, when Kim complained of being lightheaded. Teddy, the husband, thought Kim, a diabetic, needed sugar. But she collapsed. The nearby hospital were unable to revive her.

Getting Over You

My space was doing fine when you were not yet part of it. My space was gloomy and laughter is louder now than before. I was not looking for it but it came and entered the space I have been trying to protect from strangers like you. And I welcomed a stranger.

It was indeed a beautiful experience. I have sailed the sea wherein I fall, I cried, I laughed, I was broken hearted and now I am getting over you. Funny thing is that I smile every time I see something that reminds me of you. I definitely can say, I have moved on.

It is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all. At least I was honest, and I hope you are too. If you're not, you will get to experience guilt and it may lead to heart attack. (I say, Good Luck!)

My sentiments for this heartache will stop. It will start by the time I posted this.

Feeling the Love Month

Is the month of February an emo month?

For sure there will be color red everywhere. Hearts and here and there. The prices of flowers will go up again. There will be chocolates too.

I hate the 2008 February month. Why? I hate it because my 4 year relationship ended last month. So I don't like to see others being sweet with their partner.

I don't particularly feel the love month. What I feel now is sadness and being lonely again. The good thing about this is that I am working too hard now just to forget and let go. It is working but it is working slowly. I would like to wake up one day that I am practically happy about the fact that I have the chance to love someone again.

I am happy with work, with life, but not happy in heart. When I started announcing that I am single again, there are a lot of people whom I turned my back on when I was with that relationship, were the same people who supported me. The people whom I thought were against me, were the people who gave me flowers and bracelet and chocolates.

What about you? What is your feeling about the love month?

Falling in Love with a Married Men

Darn! That must hurt a lot.

Of course, it will definitely hurt. WTF!

With my side, I don't have the authority to judge those who were not able to check their guys to be married or not. It is a simple answer to the question why, because when you love someone you assumed he was honest to you. That's what love is.

"My last relationship was great. Almost four years and it has to end because I found out he was married." - Anonymous

I can't blame you Ms. Anonymous. But don't regret what happened because you got to be true, you've learned something from the experience.

"He said he won't cheat. How am I supposed to believe him when he already cheated at his wife now." - Sheilah

Good for you to know that. Don't linger on it for it will be no use to you. It'll hurt more if you'll keep on remembering his promises to you.

I say, move on. Every one of us, girls, are beautiful and there is someone out there who deserves more of our love and whom we deserve as well. Will respect us and love us and care for us. Men are men, no doubt about it. There is no such thing as men are the same. Well almost everyone are doing the same thing, cheating or not cheating, because they feel that they are men when they do that. Whatever men are doing or have done, girls can't make it right for their men nor bring back the past and redo everything. Us, girls, have to accept that it happened and feel the hurt and wallow but don't make our world stop only because we fell in love with the wrong guy.

Internet Love

i turn on my pc
and i see thee

someone is there
so beautiful i swear

we talk without speaking
we know each other yet, its so decieving

time passed and i grow fond of you
in my pc i dont feel blue

as long as you're online
to me everythings just fine

i havn't seen you with my eyes
but i belive that your words aren't lies

till the day i see your face
the internet is my love's place

till the time i see your smile
i'll love you through these files

Some people say internet love isn’t real
That it doesn’t exist
That it’s just words on a screen
Some people say Internet love is a lie
That you can’t really know the person behind the words
That people are fooling themselves
Some people say internet love can’t work
Because of the distances involved
Because of trust

But
I know better then all of these people
I know internet love is real

Because
I fell in love with those words on the screen
I fell in love with someone half a world away

And I know that one day
Some day
I will hold you
Alive
And warm
And real
In my arms.

And I will never
Ever
Let you go

Because I love you.

For Teddy that I loved

This is a poem for someone dear to me. It was distance that has kept us apart. It was distance that we were not able to talk and clear things out. Here's a part of that letter.


Teddy,

It was that day
When everything around me look in dismay
I found it out through instincts
And these strong feelings led me to burst
breathing becomes a burden
Air is so hard to grasp
It was the first time to see my heart shatter
Can't seem to know where it scatter.

I've wrote your name for hundred of times
crumpled the paper and throw it out to the ground
I don't see why my heart says you still got a chance
Wondering what could be the reason
why I continued to breath on
But when I was on my knees crying
And the crumpled paper was lying
I see the words

love you

=====================

Month Love: Long Distance Relationship

I personally was in a long distance relationship and it was a great experience. Here are some that I have learned when I was in that relationship.

I'll go to the moon for you

For a couple who has been together for like months only, the feeling of getting to spend an hour with your girlfriend is like the only rush thing to do. I, for one, would like to spend an evening with my guy but he live thousand miles away from me. The first year is full of enthusiasm. I want him to spend every moment of the day with him. He talks about coming over. I ask, what if I don't show up, he would say, I'll find you. Sweet talks, sweet words and sweet smiles always kept your heart melting. This is the time that you both feel there is nothing on earth but only the two of you.

How do you define the long distance relationship?

First, I would definitely say, acknowledge the very fact that him coming over is not that easy and it needs money. Even if there is enough to buy tickets, don't ever let him come unless there is more than enough. Why? Because both of you will never enjoy the days together without money. Come on, be practical.

Second, list down what are the things needed to be able to continuously communicate with one another.

Third, understand the other side if there will be things that he or she can not do or could not buy for the moment. Especially when girl wants guy to buy camera, or new gadgets that makes distance so near.

Fourth, and the very most important of all, TRUST your partner.

Remaining faithfully yours, my love

If anyone who will get into this kind of relationship, you have to know that there can be something that will happen in between. It can either break or make the relationship stronger. Do not restrict your partner to go out. I, again, would be jealous if he went out with friends because I know he can meet someone in there.

The biggest thing to conquer is the absence of physical contact. It is dreading to think about this fact.

Let fate take its course

Be happy for the moment that there is someone out there loving you. But always stay true, if you found someone tell your partner but if you are into something big and you are sure it will hurt your lover, tell him or her too.

Engrave the words "I Love You" in my Heart

Most of the time, people say "I love you" to someone special. It can be a friend, your parents or siblings, to your child or children and to your girlfriend or boyfriend. But do we know what "I love you" mean?

It is an interesting phenomena when someone starts saying "I love you" it creates sincerity, belongingness and happiness. Although, if it is said between friends it is misinterpreted and lead to confusion then heartache. The only time the meaning of "I love you" is ambiguous is when it is addressed to the person with whom you are having a romantic relationship.

Most people know what they think of "I love you" is the same thinking or meaning to the other, and this is what causes confusion. They assume that everyone else means the same thing they do, which may or may not be the case, but the assumption breeds certain expectations. In fact, "I love you" may mean just: I care about you very much; or it may mean: I want to spend the rest of my life with you; or, I'd like to know that you're available when I need you; or, I want to make love to you; or, I want to, if not own you, at least have an option on you; or any gradation in between, so what you say after you've said "I love you" is to explain what you mean by it. It doesn't matter what your particular definition is as long as both of you understand and agree upon it. The assumption that you know what other people mean when they say I love you is the major cause of heart burnings and misunderstandings in love relationships. If the other person doesn't act according to the assumptions you have as to the meaning of what was said, you feel betrayed.

Sometimes at the beginning of a relationship everything seems to be going quite well. The terms of the contract are tacitly agreed upon, the role models of girlfriends and boyfriends are close enough so that little or no conflict over them develops. Unluckily, despite what romance says, there are no relationship made in heaven, and all people change as they grow and mature. Something that is very appropriate for two people in their twenties may be absolutely impossible for the same two people at the age of thirty-five. The covenant (if in the case of marriage) may remain, but the contract needs to be renegotiated.

Personally, I like the way it was described by WikiHow.

Although many people use this powerful phrase loosely, there are times when you want to say "I love you" in a meaningful way. Whether you're professing your love to a romantic partner or expressing it to a relative or friend, it can be difficult to convey how much they really mean to you. Love reflects the intensity of how you feel. But by keeping the following suggestions in mind, hopefully your love will not only be understood, but it will also be welcomed and returned.

Here's a note for someone:

I loved you for who you are. There maybe times that we committed mistakes against each other, I have forgiven and you have forgiven me. For such time that I discover a hidden secret. You don't call it secret for you said you have told me about it. A story that was not clear to me. My heart says, I DON'T CARE.

I didn't ask the last time only because I don't want you to feel you are being manipulated and I strongly believed you need to do some of the things on your own for you to change for the better. I know that it can be the risk if I let you do things on your own. My fear is if the time will come that you will realize you can actually live in this world without me. But if that time comes and you decide to quit, I would let you go. You said that if you are not fighting for it, it is not worth having it. Letting you go is not giving up the fight. I have engraved the words "I love you" in my heart and it is only waiting for you to reply back........But, if it will keep on waiting it will fade in time.