There are many times in life that we asked; What have I done wrong to make me suffer this way?
Once in my life I've asked someone that question. No one could give me answer and I began to feel desperate. Hating everyone on my way. I told myself, "I don't deserve this. This is the only thing that makes me happy. This is what makes me move on." Days gone and months, and I never regain happiness. I blame it to someone else, I blame it to everyone. I think of everyone as against my happiness because they let it happen. Somehow I became bad not just to others but to myself.
Everytime I feel down, especially when my mom died, they just told me God has a plan for everything. I feel bad about it because if God planned it then why would he let me suffer. Why would He take my mother away. I don't know what....to do.
Growing up makes me who I am now. Strong-willed, persistent, patience, and trustworthy. I questioned the One above why, but rather I should have asked myself, by the time you knew she's dead did you tell her bye? Do you know the reason why she went away and unfortunately she died? I never thought of that. When they say God has planned things, then to suffer was a part of it because if I did not suffer then I wouldn't feel that I am human and I will soon die. When I die someone will suffer too. It makes us strong it makes us believe that there is something out there that we need to do and when we are done with that we die.
I was hard to accept it and it takes time to heal. But accepting is one step closer to healing. But acceptance will never happen if we don't recognize the fact that someone else is dying.
I don't know what....but it does makes sense to me. No ending it may be but time will come and I die, and that's the end for me. Love you Teddy
28.5.07
25.5.07
24.5.07
Spiderman 3
The new Spiderman. I'm sorry, I know it's late for blogs of little spidey. But I just wanna say he know how to groove. Nice one Peter Parker.
My Life in Sorrow
I just feel bad when I got home. I don't know whether they wanted me to hear something or they just wanted me to share something. Are they proud because theu paid the bills this time and I didn't? Or I misjudge them?
I really don't know but what the hell. I don't care. I live my life the way I would want it to be. My life in sorrow. My life in happiness. My life in love. My life in bittersweet thing. No matter how it will end up, the main purpose is that I live life the way it should be.
I may be in sorrow but I know I can find something that will make me get through the dark again. I know I can do it because I know myself and I believe and trust myself that I can.
Most people would like to bring you down unintentionally, because all they think is what they would feel after saying such words. Words that would make them feel important or in the limelight but those words, are pain to the ears of other people. Words, when used to something that will benefit the person saying it will be discouraging and hurtful to someone else.
Next time pick the right words to say. Like my Teddy Bear always tells me; Think before you say it.
I love you teddy bear. Always will be my only Jerry Dunn.
I really don't know but what the hell. I don't care. I live my life the way I would want it to be. My life in sorrow. My life in happiness. My life in love. My life in bittersweet thing. No matter how it will end up, the main purpose is that I live life the way it should be.
I may be in sorrow but I know I can find something that will make me get through the dark again. I know I can do it because I know myself and I believe and trust myself that I can.
Most people would like to bring you down unintentionally, because all they think is what they would feel after saying such words. Words that would make them feel important or in the limelight but those words, are pain to the ears of other people. Words, when used to something that will benefit the person saying it will be discouraging and hurtful to someone else.
Next time pick the right words to say. Like my Teddy Bear always tells me; Think before you say it.
I love you teddy bear. Always will be my only Jerry Dunn.
22.5.07
Weekend Madness and Monday Escapade
Weekend was great. Saturday was great too. At last, there were 22 graduates from MTC Academy Davao City. It was fulfilling for me because I somehow encourage them to take up the course. So my next stop is to provide them choices of where they want to work.
The next day, Sunday, me and Daxie watched the movie "Shrek" with happy feet (Nancy). Then late at night we watched Josh Holganza and Ate Jenny Gallego as they danced on stage at the CAP Auditorium.
Josh made some groovy stuff, while, Ate Jenny made some graceful dance. I have to go home early though, I still need to wake up 2am the next day.
Woke up 4am instead of 2am. Had to take a bath quickly and had to go to MTC. Off to Tagum City with Michelle for some Career Orientation Seminar. Left Davao around 6am. Took the bus, Bachelor's Express, and slept for at least 45 mins. Travel to Davao Regional Hospital through what we call "Tricycle" (only in the Philippines). No breakfast yet. Stomach aching for some food. No money in my wallet nor in my pocket. Had to stand up in line to withdraw through ATM machine. Passed through 2 blocks, then found Mcdonalds. One piece chicken and spaghetti with Coke Float for breakfast and lunch. Do another round of Career Orientation Seminar with Davao Regional Hospital. Courtesy Call with the Information Officer of the Provincial Capital of Davao del Norte. Good thing my last name is Royo, they've asked if I'm related to Dr. Royo. Thank God! I know something about him and I got the eyes of the Royo's so I say I built a foundation with them already and I can go back to them anytime. Next stop, meet Dr. Royo.
The next day, Sunday, me and Daxie watched the movie "Shrek" with happy feet (Nancy). Then late at night we watched Josh Holganza and Ate Jenny Gallego as they danced on stage at the CAP Auditorium.
Josh made some groovy stuff, while, Ate Jenny made some graceful dance. I have to go home early though, I still need to wake up 2am the next day.
Woke up 4am instead of 2am. Had to take a bath quickly and had to go to MTC. Off to Tagum City with Michelle for some Career Orientation Seminar. Left Davao around 6am. Took the bus, Bachelor's Express, and slept for at least 45 mins. Travel to Davao Regional Hospital through what we call "Tricycle" (only in the Philippines). No breakfast yet. Stomach aching for some food. No money in my wallet nor in my pocket. Had to stand up in line to withdraw through ATM machine. Passed through 2 blocks, then found Mcdonalds. One piece chicken and spaghetti with Coke Float for breakfast and lunch. Do another round of Career Orientation Seminar with Davao Regional Hospital. Courtesy Call with the Information Officer of the Provincial Capital of Davao del Norte. Good thing my last name is Royo, they've asked if I'm related to Dr. Royo. Thank God! I know something about him and I got the eyes of the Royo's so I say I built a foundation with them already and I can go back to them anytime. Next stop, meet Dr. Royo.
19.5.07
Comfort for Teddy
I knew there was something wrong. Even before, when I don't get a word from him, I knew there is something wrong. In everytime we get into fight, I would know it's over because I would get a message from him. I didn't feel it was a bad news. I didn't know how to react to it. I don't know how to give comfort to someone I love so dearly. I was so selfish. I didn't even think he might be hurt or pain. I am a brat.
17.5.07
My Agony for Loving Jerry Dunn
I always thought I am in touch with it but certainly I was not. If I am I won't be feeling like this at all.
That day, all he did was he told me he needed time for himself. I kinda don't like the idea but I understand why. And then he said he got a few minutes left before going to work, I reacted a little bit because I have something to tell him important. Instead of telling him what's the important thing to tell I told him I needed to be alone as well. I took off. Another person comes in, bugging me (as always). I placed in my status, "F*ck off!", I didn't realized he might be online still and he can read it. What I did, I signed off. I wrote a one line email saying, "Don't wake me up for the rest of the week...What made you think I got time...." (I know, I know, I know) I sound rude. I just couldn't write anything at all. With the body of the email, I just didn't know how to start it. So I send it off to him.
The important thing was that, I'm not ok. Doctor told me to give myself a rest. I am anemic because I loss my appetite, I couldn't sleep. Bottom line is im stressed. Doctor told me to at least give myself an 8 hour sleep. And doctor gave me sleeping pills to help. And I don't want him to know that because I wanted to continously be communicating with him. I don't want to give myself the chance to sleep so that I can talk to him.
For three years, I have loved a man that was way too far from where I am now. And it hurts not to see him everyday. He doesn't wanna write me email because it is not his thing. I have to push him to write me one. He rarely call. And the plan of coming here was moved because of his health. No matter how strong I am to hold on but it shows in my body that I am not ok. I got a time off to think what I really want and I know what I want. I need him because I love him that's what I want to happen in life.
I push myself to work for like 12 hours a day just to forget about it at least half of the entire day (24 hours). Everyday I end up sleeping for an hour because I'm so exhausted. Even on Sundays, I push myself to work just to stop thinking about it. It won't leave my mind because I'm involved with it 24/7. And I don't want him to know everything because I don't want him to stop waking me up every morning just to talk to me because there is no other way he can. He don't write emails, he doesn't call, he moved his plans of coming this year to next year, he does not send me any text messages. I don't want to take that hour of talking online even if I need to get up at 2 am. Even if I will have sleep for 4 or 5 hours daily.
Agony, pain. It will stop. I guess I should say I am OK.
Damn gurl!
That day, all he did was he told me he needed time for himself. I kinda don't like the idea but I understand why. And then he said he got a few minutes left before going to work, I reacted a little bit because I have something to tell him important. Instead of telling him what's the important thing to tell I told him I needed to be alone as well. I took off. Another person comes in, bugging me (as always). I placed in my status, "F*ck off!", I didn't realized he might be online still and he can read it. What I did, I signed off. I wrote a one line email saying, "Don't wake me up for the rest of the week...What made you think I got time...." (I know, I know, I know) I sound rude. I just couldn't write anything at all. With the body of the email, I just didn't know how to start it. So I send it off to him.
The important thing was that, I'm not ok. Doctor told me to give myself a rest. I am anemic because I loss my appetite, I couldn't sleep. Bottom line is im stressed. Doctor told me to at least give myself an 8 hour sleep. And doctor gave me sleeping pills to help. And I don't want him to know that because I wanted to continously be communicating with him. I don't want to give myself the chance to sleep so that I can talk to him.
For three years, I have loved a man that was way too far from where I am now. And it hurts not to see him everyday. He doesn't wanna write me email because it is not his thing. I have to push him to write me one. He rarely call. And the plan of coming here was moved because of his health. No matter how strong I am to hold on but it shows in my body that I am not ok. I got a time off to think what I really want and I know what I want. I need him because I love him that's what I want to happen in life.
I push myself to work for like 12 hours a day just to forget about it at least half of the entire day (24 hours). Everyday I end up sleeping for an hour because I'm so exhausted. Even on Sundays, I push myself to work just to stop thinking about it. It won't leave my mind because I'm involved with it 24/7. And I don't want him to know everything because I don't want him to stop waking me up every morning just to talk to me because there is no other way he can. He don't write emails, he doesn't call, he moved his plans of coming this year to next year, he does not send me any text messages. I don't want to take that hour of talking online even if I need to get up at 2 am. Even if I will have sleep for 4 or 5 hours daily.
Agony, pain. It will stop. I guess I should say I am OK.
Damn gurl!
14.5.07
May 14
I started the day waiting for someone to come online and wished we will get to talk. I got too tired with waiting so I went off to bed. I woke up because temperature is rising and I can't take the heat touching my skin.
I've noticed someone's up because they are talking like bitches on the street. Damn! Bad thing about living with someone else is that they don't find respect with the others as well. They think they rule the world only because they are the one who's paying the bills. Hey! I pay the bills too. Why would I be giving too much when I don't spend too much time inside the house? Don't you ever think that I was paying the bills before. And you didn't hear anything from me, you bitch!
Still getting my posture back, I opened my computer waited for him again. Hiding my anger inside and just let it rest as I watched the t.v.
I noticed time passed quickly and still my computer is on because they'r using the internet and they couldn't get access to the internet if my computer is on. Damn! It has been on since this morning and any minute now the sun will set again and your not done?
Another day in my life. Completely sucks! And because I am more educated and I can hold up the anger and hoping that they will soon realize their mistakes because adults doesn't like to be told. I'll rest my case and soon when this happen again, I'll kick their asses for sure.
I've noticed someone's up because they are talking like bitches on the street. Damn! Bad thing about living with someone else is that they don't find respect with the others as well. They think they rule the world only because they are the one who's paying the bills. Hey! I pay the bills too. Why would I be giving too much when I don't spend too much time inside the house? Don't you ever think that I was paying the bills before. And you didn't hear anything from me, you bitch!
Still getting my posture back, I opened my computer waited for him again. Hiding my anger inside and just let it rest as I watched the t.v.
I noticed time passed quickly and still my computer is on because they'r using the internet and they couldn't get access to the internet if my computer is on. Damn! It has been on since this morning and any minute now the sun will set again and your not done?
Another day in my life. Completely sucks! And because I am more educated and I can hold up the anger and hoping that they will soon realize their mistakes because adults doesn't like to be told. I'll rest my case and soon when this happen again, I'll kick their asses for sure.
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