Moving on After Breaking Up

Whether you lost the feeling or not, the other side deserves a little honesty. You shouldn't dropped the bomb when you know there are issues to settle.

I know it is much easier to just let go and leave things unanswered. I would choose that too if and only if I don't really feel something for that person. But still I would give that person benefit of the doubt, because I know that person has feelings for me.

To be true, I am afraid this time will come. I would do everything to keep it. If I only knew it will come to this point, I should have let go. I choose to be blind, I choose not to trust my instincts but it is already not so smart to even go on.

Definitely, nobody won't see me crying. Not anymore.

I know it will be hard to understand my side for it will be bias. I would want this and that to happened but I am not going to be the one deciding whether or not to do this and that. I always have that moment when I would just think that what if this and that will happen, this is how it will going to flow. In this situation, since I am the one who was told about the truth, I am the one who would want the person concerned to tell me honestly. And then I would picture out how it will all flow if ever that person concerned will confess. It is always the opposite. I never get to have what I want and no matter how hard I worked hard on getting what I want, I will always end up hating the situation.

The good thing about me is that I am open minded. I try to see both sides and analyze each side that is why it is easier for me to forgive but I will never forget what happened.

I don't believe in friendship after the break up. I don't believe in such thing. I can talk to the person again but I don't think that person still deserves my time. I don't care if this is being mean or selfish or whatever you may want to call it.

Goodbyes are easier said than done. But goodbyes are good for people to stop loving each other because they love at the wrong place and wrong time.

Thanks for reading. Until my next post.

Song for the Heartbroken

This is a song in Korean with its translation in English:(Courtesy of Sarange)

Dodeche ar suga obso namjadurui maum
wonhar ten onjego da juni ije tonande
ironjog choumirago nonun thugbyorhadanun
gu marur midosso negen hengbogiosso

I just cant understand the hearts of men
they tell you they want you and then they leave you
this is the first time, you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy

marur haji guresso nega shirhojyoda go
nunchiga obnun nan nur bochegiman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika

you should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything

modungor swibge da jumyon gumbang shirhjungnenunge
namjara durosso thollin mar gathjin anha
dashinun sogji anhuri maum mogo bojiman
todashi sarange munojinunge yoja ya

i heard that if you give up things too easily
to a man, he will get bored with you
i don't think this is wrong
a girl says that she will never be fooled again
but she will fall in love again

marur haji guresso nega shirhojyodago
nunchiga obnun nan nur boche giman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika

you should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything

[narration] Onur urin heojyosso budi hengbogharago
noboda johun sarammannagir barandago
nodo darun namjarang togathe nar saranghanda go marhanten onjego
sorjighi na nega jar doenungo shirho
naboda yepun yoja manna hengboghage jar sarmyon otohge
guroda nar jongmar ijoborimyon otohge
nan irohge himdunde himduro juggenunde
ajigdo nor nomu saranghanunde

[narration]
Hey babe
the pain
it's not enough to describe how i feel
we were so happy together
but I know now
I've been blind
you told me that you'd never let me down
whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
even though you hurt me
I still love you
I still love you

sarangur wihesoramyon modun da har su inun
yojaui chaghan bonnungur iyong hajinun marajwo
hanyojaro theona sarangbadgo sanunge
irohge himdurgo oryourjur mollasso

don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love
and her caring instinct
i didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
although i will curse you i'll still miss you
since i am a girl, to whom love is everything
although i will curse you i'll still miss you
since i am a girl, to whom love is everything

Narration (Guy, only in the music video)
There's someone I'm in love with...
Although I can't be with her now...
I'm still in love with her...

January Month is My Heartache Month

(Disclaimer: this post is completely my own thoughts on what is break up in relationships. It does not describe one's relationship. If for instance this post affects you, the writer does not intend it that way to happened.)


I am not going to deny that I was indeed so happy when I found out I'm having the biggest day of my life. I told everyone about it.

"If you really love her, you got to tell her"

You should have told me. You shouldn't wait that others will tell me the truth. You had me at your first hello. But I can't go on like this because I want to make it right. It is not right at all. This will never be easy for me. I miss the girl who I was with you. I will definitely miss the girl who can do a lot of things with you.

Do I deserve such treatment? I don't. Anybody can tell I don't. But who could have known the truth when it was barred and restricted. I have opened my heart more than anyone can do. It has to start with a trust but still, trust is broken with lies and misleading stories.

Do you deserve to be trusted? Definitely not. I always wonder why keeping it secret for years is needed to be done rather than utter the simple truth to the person mostly affected by it. Is it that hard? Is it much harder compared to what I feel right now?

"Loving you is always that means to me, then being happy is what I hope you can be. Then loving you must mean I have to set you free."

Give me back my heart. You know that I have been through this before and I have to go again this time. If this had happened to me before and it happened to me now, I have moved on before I will move on from now on. Even if my days will be cold and lonely.

I ain't ready.....

I thought I would be happy. After discovering the truth, I am in no position to be happy. I am a strong person and in just minutes I was able to think clearly.

Been with this before, and I am in the same situation now. I fell stupid. Stupidly in love.

I ain't ready. I got to stop. I have to or else someone else will be hurt.

I don't want to be a wrecker but this time I know what is right.

Feelings are just feelings and it will go away. I can and will move on.

Goodbye to 2007

It is always sad to say goodbye. 2007 was a great year. There were ups and downs, there were crying moments and there were the best laughs.

There were moments that I felt I was stooped down and nobody cares for what I think. I told myself, life is always this way. If no one did that to me, I wouldn't know how to step up again and regain myself. I say, they've done that only because they don't find me amusing or worthwhile.

There were others who used me for their popularity. On my end, I got hurt, but I've move on. My mind is better off something else rather think of what they've done to me. I choose my life to be public through this blog and I have to accept the consequence on putting my own personal life for the world to read.

I maybe knocked down a couple of times or even more but I've stood up back again. I know I am the victor. I am glad I have a positive attitude.

2007 was a year of laughs as well. I have a job. I am buying things for myself because I deserve it. I have opened a bank account and those are the sweat of a hard worker.

Standing up again after a fall was the greatest. Darn! I am getting good at it. I just have to be good at not to be stooped again. Again, I have the whole year of 2008 to master that.

The best and the worst of 2007.

Here's a line for me, "GROW UP!"

Laughter is the Best Medicine

My current boss hired me for a particular job because of some lame reason. She said I smiled a lot and it seems to be I am happy always. She said that during the interview I did not only answered her smartly but I always have that big smile in the end.

Yes, I do smile a lot. I laugh a lot. But I never ever make fun at other people just to bring laughter.

I've read once that laughter is the best medicine and I would say yes it has been my medicine from everyday stress.

There are a lot of things that bring smiles to my face. My nephews are included. My dear friend Daisy who could not comprehend right away. Nancy's little phrases out of movie titles or anything that is really nonsense (she's absolutely so funny about it). My preggy sister and Michelle King. And a lot more.

To quote: (from www.cbsnews.com)

We change physiologically when we laugh. We stretch muscles throughout our face and body, our pulse and blood pressure go up, and we breathe faster, sending more oxygen to our tissues.

People who believe in the benefits of laughter say it can be like a mild workout — and may offer some of the same advantages as a workout.

That's why I smile and laugh always. And so I will just smile at BR.

Celebrating Christmas on the Web

It is not unusual for me to spend the holidays online. For one, mother's no longer here with me. I'm not living with the rest of my siblings. I live with people that has their own family to celebrate with during the holidays.

On December 24, I decided to go to Dad's place to cook spaghetti and eat dinner with them. It turned out we have to eat spaghetti in the afternoon, so after eating, Dad went out to some friends house. My brother was there, sisters too. We all eat again around 11pm before Christmas Eve, and this time we were able to talk for awhile. Then again, brother has to go to his wife's family and have his second dinner for the Christmas Eve. Sisters are going with him. I have to go back to my place alone.

I live with my mother's sisters. House was bright, all lights were turned on and my cousin is on the computer doing something. Table was full of food. I can say, this used to be the Christmas Eve dinner at Dad's house before when Mom was still alive. Anyway, I am old enough to be sad about it. I have to accept the fact that I am not going to experience that with my family. And their are people that is still connected to me that I can celebrate the holidays with.

When I got home, I immediately log on to my computer and do some online stuff like go to twitter.com. Also log on to my Yahoo account, Gmail account, Blogger, and other stuff. I am definitely was lonesome last Christmas but the web kept me company all throughout. My cellphone also kept me company that night. I was bombarded with lots of greetings.

I love my life. Whatever comes in my life, I can be mad about, I can be happy about, it doesn't matter. All things have made me who I am and have made me stronger. One way to keep me up and going was getting online to celebrate Christmas on the web. It was fun indeed. Not to include fighting vampires over facebook. I've turned my loneliness into something productive and creative like writing a post for my blog (but was not able to publish it).

This is life for me. Harder may it seems but I am enjoying every bit of challenges that comes my way.

Why Do I Blog?

A lot of people is asking me why I spend time blogging for nothing. They think I would be discriminated or laughed at every time I make a post. Well, I am Asian and they believe that people from other countries would be mean to me if I would continue on blogging.

They can be right, they can be wrong as well.

I believe in any country someone will be against you or will be supporting you. I know that with my personality, my first reaction to something mean would be to get mad about it. Then, I have to think of whether I should react or detract. If it's something against my understanding or views of what is bad behavior, I would do anything just to let it out. After a few minutes of being alone, I prefer to write down what is on my mind.

Writing down helps me. It is one thing that I am free to do, same as those who would be commenting on my posts. It's the free will. I am glad I am born in a country where free will to write my thoughts are allowed.

I can choose not to be careful with what I write but I should be commenting is another thing. For one, I have all free will when I am establishing a paragraph of thoughts comparing it to writing down my comments it is a cautious writing of thoughts for I have to consider what the writer is trying to convey in her or his post.

Although I am aware that I cannot control one's comments on my blog, I completely have to take it all in me when someone is making fun at me. Let them be, as I say it always. Anyway, they will have their own experience.

As a blogger, it is so damn hard to make a good post. But as a commenter, it is so easy. Why? It is easy because you don't think more deeply in commenting. You base your comments on what you have read and the way you were able to understand it. In making a post for your blog, you take more time in thinking what to write.

Also as a blogger, whether your comments are serious or not, I would be glad to accept it. I respect your side but you should respect my side as well.

Think first before you react.

Goal: Xbox For my Nephew

My nephew, RJ, wants an Xbox. I can't give it to him right away unless he will give me good grades by the end of the school year.

The one who's wearing white is RJ, the other one is Jet. They are brothers. RJ is the eldest and he wants me to buy an Xbox for him.

Jet wants a teddy bear. I gave him a stuffed teddy bear but he wants another stuffed bear because he knew his older brother is asking for an Xbox.

Honestly, I don't have money to buy an Xbox, so if you want to give me one why not. I would be glad to accept it. That was just a joke.

I told RJ that Xbox will be given to him only if he has good grades. He will attend class and he will wake up early for school.

I think its a great deal for me also because it will give me time to save money and I know my cousin Michelle will donate some and of course their ever beautiful grandmother. I will have to tag the boys' mother, Sugar, to join the fund raising for Xbox for RJ. I will call this, Oplan: Xbox for RJ.

I am not yet a mother and I know soon I will be a mother, I think kids right now would like to have all the things in the world. For elders to not make them spoiled or something, a little game would not hurt anyone. Kids would treasure it so much if they knew they've worked hard for something.

I don't know if my assumptions are right but would it be so bad to try? To mothers who would be able to read this post, let me know how to and what to do. Do you think what I will be doing is right?