2009 Objectives

I wanted to be a "Trainee" in anywhere of the US soil. The reason behind it is I would like to explore more avenues of building my career. I am single and workaholic. I am guessing that I am way to busy to even think of me settling down even if my batchmates are settling down.

I am currently busy with gathering all required papers and reviewing own training outline. I am hoping though that I can get this done and deal kind of thing. I was expecting some help from people I know but unfortunately I do not see any willingness to help me. I will still push this agenda and pray that I will get this.

There is no one to help me with this but only me. If ever someone will lend their hands I will gladly accept that.

I just want to raise the numbers so I can get out of this situation. They all expected something spectacular from me and I can not even run it when others are merely expecting and not helping. I can not get out of this because it is not the right time for this thing definitely needs help not just from me but ffrom everyone else involved in this.

My Motorcycle Accident

Walking down memory lane. I wandered off as I am sipping a hot coffee on a Sunday morning, staring at how beautiful the sun is that day.

I got into an accident last Saturday, October 11, 2008 at exactly 7:37 a.m. My Unlce has this motorcycle and he is going downtown, I thought I should hitch a ride. Placed my helmet on, my bag on my left shoulder and my iPod on my left hand while my right hand holds on to my Uncle's shoulder. We are turning right when suddenly this pick up truck turn right and the pick up truck is on the wrong lane. The driver turns the wheel to the right and make sure that he would not hit the car in front of him. When he steps on the gas it turns right and hit us. My Uncle had more scratches and bruises than I am.

It was not my typical Sunday morning because I just felt someone woke me up and whispered, "Wake up!". I knew I had to stand up and wander around the house. I washed my face and fix a cup of hot coffee then opened the door. Seeing sunshine with yellow, red, and orange colors, I thought somebody could have been dead yesterday. I feel pain, and I still feel the warmth of the ray of the sun, but I was glad I was not dead nor I had too many bruises or I end up in the hospital. I was glad I was not. I was glad it was just fever, bruises and body pains.

It was so weird because when my right side hits the street gutter, the first thing on my mind was my cellphone, my iPod and money. I never felt how it hurts so much to hit that gutter.

I will never know when I will die. I will never know when it is "Times up!" for me. I am scared thinking what if it was really that fatal? What if we were not running that slow?

What if I am dead?

(Picture courtesy of Picasa)

Who do you want to be this Halloween?

I know it is way to early to discuss about costumes for halloween. For me, I always love it when things are prepared. I know I have time so I might as well try to check on what I can be or what I can be wearing for halloween.

I can imagine kids going house to house and ask for candies. I have two nephews and I need a child halloween costumes. The halloween party will most likely be at school and to support my nephews I would need an adult halloween costumes for me and the two nannies.

I can be a witch even though kids really call me real witch for I am very strict. My nephews can be dwarfs or something. This is making me excited.

I will be in GENSAN for MBS2

I do not know whether I am still in or not but what the heck.

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Corporate World

It is a typical day at the University where you go in the classroom because you have a class. Professor talks about the good the bad and the ugly in accordance to what his experience are and what the recommended book says. You were unintentionaly lead to the belief that you will be doing this and that once you work for real. You set your mind into something hypothetical. It is not real at all. It is real for him for they have experienced it whilst the facts that were detailed and taught to us his students.

The funniest is after college. I thought it is easier to put up and manage my own business. If I solely depend on my education, I would be running my business to disaster. Eventually that happened to me. I spent thousands of pesos on to a desktop plublishing business, although I made it to breakeven but to any businessman a breakeven does not mean profit.

It is hard to believe and especially accept that I paid college tiution at a prestigious university only to believe on hypothesis and make myself over confident that I can make it big in the next five years. I have somehow realized that I did that to myself and not my professors or the university I went to. I made the choice and I made the assumptions so I have to blame me. Going back to "hard to believe and especially accept", blaming myself is another example to that.

I am now working butt off, working hard both day and night. I felt I am not paid what I believe, is due to me. Then again I must think I was squeezing my staff because I was literally not earning enough to pay what is due to them. I step back and think again that my professors are right. I just understood them in a different way and that understanding is only to my advantage.

The world where I am now keeps me up to date to what is new. I love it because my body seems to be enjoying it too despite the stress, pressure, body pains, lack of sleep, not eating at the exact time or skipping meals and etcetera.

The corporate world is not always as relaxing as compared to university or college days. Once you are working, you will feel beat up at the end of the day. You will love it when it is pay day. You will slowly see yourself wanting a credit card. You will see yourself wearing branded clothes. You will see yourself buying gadget every Christmas bonus. You will see your shoe rack with shoes that you do not actually need. You will see yourself eating at a fancy restaurant. You will love it, hate it, despise coworker or even your boss. You will feel victory and receive memo for unsatisfactory conduct. And the list goes on.

Utterz

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Aftermath of Quitting

I am so afraid of quitting. Normally I would like to do something for a long time but when I am finally doing and enjoying, at one point in time I just do not want to continue doing it. Inside me is a battle of whether or not to move to the next level or should I say.

After so many times of feeling down after another is like a roller coaster ride that never end. I started to view the other side of my coin, appreciating what today has for me and stop worrying about my future and lingering on my past. What makes it even worse is living everyday moving forward because you do not have any other choice after quitting.

The idea of moving on is somehow easy to think but really hard to do. Even if you tell yourself everyday that you got the best foot forward and you are going to be just alright, the other foot seems like nailed on that ground that it does not want to let go.

I got to be strong. I got to be awakened. It just got to be. (Inhale, Exhale)

The Last Episode

It was definitely a great talk and I love how it all end. I was able to know he don't hate me nor he admits that once in his life he called me a "bitch!" even if he don't mean to.

Pretended that I didn't know what he meant but I really want to hear him say goodbye that way I would feel there's nothing to go back to. I know he meant, "see you again soon", but for me if we see each other again soon then maybe it will be fate. Conversation has to end, it has to end because I might leave an impression that at anytime when he's no longer scared I am still there. I am the type that would only wait when I have so much time. I can wait definitely, but not when he no longer love me. I have the feeling he don't want to let go.

He knows how to find me if he really wants to. But I don't think he will. It just shows in his actions.

I'm free!