Happy Birthday Mom

November 1, 1998, the day my mom died. It has been 9 years and I still don't understand why she died.

Mom left for Taiwan, leaving her 4 kids behind. I am the eldest of the family, so I was the only one who was confused on why she has to leave. Dad worked in a big company, we were all in private schools so I thought we were alright. I miss childhood, it was when Mom was more caring and you can see her all day in the house. It was a happy family back then, but I guess my parents fight because everything are changing. I think they do fight, I seldom see them fight but I'm sure they have that little fights that I don't know.

Why does she has to leave then? At my young age, I began to think that Dad is not earning that much to support all 4, 3 in a private schools and 1 who is still 3 years old.

When I was in high school, waking up in the morning, getting ready for school and you can see your mom making breakfast for all of you making sure all we need are there. By the time we are about to leave the house for school, Mom won't be there to make sure I took the school bus. I understand that Mom has a little store to attend to and if she won't be there early then she will lose some.

High school graduation, again my Mom was not there to see me receive that rolled paper when I get in front and shake hands with someone. It was not unusual to me, maybe because at that time I was really not that dependent to my parents. I understand them and besides I'm the eldest so I have to adjust and understand.

Here comes college, and Mom wants Ateneo de Davao University. I got in, she's happy that made me happy as well. Dad is a typical father who works for the family, doesn't like to talk about something. In short, my family is an average family whose parents wants the best for their kids.

Mom decided to leave for Taiwan and work as a domestic helper (DH). I was a little shocked with the news especially when I heard that DH sometimes suffer in the hands of their employer. I began to feel anger and asking why but I know I got to control myself or else I would hurt Mom's feelings. She left, February 3, 1998, I just knew she was leaving when the Supperferry was far from where it was docked. I won't be able to see Mom on the 18th birthday.

Even if Mom was just new to Taiwan and she's earning not that much to support herself and her needs from the coldness of Taiwan, she sends me money to spend my 18th birthday. Another important day in my life that my mother missed.

School year 1998, was the year when our youngest will go to school. She's happy and does not know anything of what I call family problem. I don't know anything of parenting. My brother continues on to do what he loves to do. My sister continues on to experience what is like to have a crush. My youngest sister now explores the world outside the gated house. I began to face problems that I never encountered before.

October 23, 1998, mom called. She told us she was sick and were sorry she was not able to call months before. Few days after, rather, the first day of November 1998, she died. It was 12nn here and Dad didn't know yet the news of what happened to Mom.

I missed her. I never really did anything nor both of us have done something like a mother-daughter thing. She was always busy. I am busy tying to see the world in front of me. I don't regret anything at all, it brings another purpose in me. Whatever happened to me after Mom died, it had made me stronger.

In my case, I have to lose my Mom in order for me to be strong. I am positive now that whatever comes out of my sisters and brothers that's because I was stronger and I made it through all the hardships with them as my inspiration. I am a better person now. I say I am, I don't know what others can say about me.